It Hurts
by NellieTodd
Summary: With each cut, with each tear shed, Tamaki prays that the pain will go away somehow. That he will find a way out. Will the Host Club be able to help him - before it's too late? WARNING: SELF-HARM,SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND BAD LANGUAGE. Rated T. R&R, please!
1. Chapter 1 Bad Day

**So yeah...I don't want to get into why i started this story. It's dark; warning, there is cutting and self-abuse. I know I have other stories promised, and others to update, but I felt i needed to get this started.**

**This first chapter isn't much, but I wrote it; under angst; at 2 AM.**

**Well, don't be shy! Review and tell me what you think!**

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><p>As Tamaki recalled the events of the day, the razor gleamed in the moonlight shining from the window; the only light in the room; as it waited patiently to do the dirty work.<p>

Huddled in the darkness, everything stupid he'd done flashed through his mind. His day had just kept getting worse and worse and worse….

EARLIER THAT DAY:

Tamaki tapped his pencil on his desk in anticipation as his teacher passed back the math test from last week. He had studied long and hard, and had even had Haruhi and Kyoya review with him again and again. He really needed to get his grades up in this class; he didn't want to fail. His hopes for passing disappeared when the teacher slapped the test paper onto his desk. At the top was a big, red, "F".

"No! I couldn't have failed! There must be some mistake!" Tamaki cried in despair. The teacher paused and looked back at her distressed pupil.

"Sit down, Suoh-san. It's my job to teach you; you have to study and learn the lesson yourself. If you refuse to do so, then I'm sorry, it's not my fault." The teacher finished passing out the tests without another word. Tamaki sat in shocked silence until the bell rang.

The rest of his classes went horribly. He had had homework the previous night in all of his subjects- but discovered that he left the completed papers at home.

At lunch he ended up turning around too sharply and tripped over his own feet. He dropped his tray and some of the snobbier students snickered at his expense.

"Wow...I still can't believe _he's _the chairman's son!" whispered one student. "He's such a klutz!"

"Not to mention a moron!" chimed another. "You should've seen him freak out this morning when he failed his test!"

Tamaki pretended that he didn't hear any of the rude comments. In his heart, however, they stung. In his mind, they stuck. He knew they were true; he was a shameful excuse for a Suoh, though he tried constantly to prove himself. Though he knew his father loved him, he still felt that he never did anything that was good enough for him. The prince held back tears as he picked up his tray and whatever of the food he spilled. All around him, comments buzzed.

"Why's he doing the servants' job?"

"Doesn't he know we have people to clean that up?"

"Ew, and he's the one the girls fawn over?"

Deciding against getting fresh food, Tamaki instead dumped the garbage and left the room. He dragged himself down a few hallways to a classroom that was empty except for a certain Kyoya Otori. He was writing in his notebook, relishing the peace and quiet- quiet, that is until the Host Club king barged in. Kyoya readied himself for babbling and any nonsense ideas Tamaki usually had, he put his pen down and looked up.

However, something was... different. Tamaki was silent. He could see by the look in his friend's eyes that he was upset. However, rather than pushing it, he simply allowed him to sit in the desk next to him and quietly sulk.

The rest of the day slowly crept by, mainly uneventful; Tamaki tried to pay attention and maintain his composure.

_"It's just a bad day._" He told himself. _"No need to get upset, right?"_

At long last, the final bell rang. Relieved, he rushed out of his foreign language class and dashed to Music Room #3, eager for club activities to start. However, when he got there, the room was without decoration; and according to the schedule, today was supposed to be set up as Hawaiian Paradise. He could feel his anger growing.

"WHAT IS THIS? Where are the palm trees? The sand? Those fruity drinks in coconuts!" As he raved on and on about what's missing, the "little-devil" twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Take it easy boss." They chorused.

Tamaki spun around. "How can I relax when our theme is missing? Why isn't this place all Hawaiian-like?"

"Hey, take it easy. It isn't our fault." Kaoru said.

"After all, wasn't it your turn to set up for the day?" Hikaru added.

Tamaki froze before going into his infamous Dark Corner.

_"Great, another failure to add to the day's list..."_

Eventually he got over himself in time to open the club for business. He even begun to got over the forgotten theme. Of course, he would've have done so faster, had Hikaru and Kaoru not teased him for about half an hour about not being able to see Haruhi in a hula outfit like they'd planned. Nevertheless, he went on with the club activities, chatting with one of his usual clients. However, she wasn't much for talking that day; she looked a little down, her face turned towards the floor.

"My princess, what seems to trouble you?" he asked, cupping her chin in his usual "princely" manner. The girl sighed, turning her face away from him.

"Some boys wouldn't stop saying that I looked like a horse during History class this afternoon…" Her cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

He smiled gently, knowing just what to say. "My dear, you shouldn't let mean comment get you down. What do those nasty boys know anyhow?"

The girl smiled as well, her cheeks still red, this time for a different reason. "I guess you're right. I shouldn't listen to them!" Her face we bright now with happiness.

"Besides, even if you were a horse, you'd be the most gorgeous horse in the world!" The smile instantly disappeared as the overly-sensitive girl began to cry.

"So I really DO look like a horse!" she wailed. Tears poured down her face as she jumped up and ran from the prince.

Tamaki, face turning beet-red with embarrassment, chased after her. "No! That's not what I meant! Come back! I'm sorry, I- ummph!" He hadn't watched where he was running and ended up running into Haruhi as she was carrying a tray of hot tea. The hot liquid spilled onto both of them as Haruhi toppled backwards to the floor – landing on her hand.

Tamaki winced as he heard a cracking sound. He instantly came to her aid.

"HARUHI! Haruhi are you ok? Are you hurt?"

Groaning in pain, she flexed the wrist that she fell on before wincing herself. "Ah! I think my wrist is sprained!"

At this point, all the attention in the room was focused on Haruhi. A crowd had gathered around them while other watched from where they 's thoughts raced wildly as he helped the injured girl to her feet. He could feel the heat of the eyes on him. The silence cut through him; he knew it was all his fault.

"Takashi, is Haru-chan gonna be ok?" Hunny asked Mori, breaking the nerve-wracking silence.

"It's ok! I've got this!" Tamaki shouted as he rushed Haruhi out of the room, dragging her down the hall to the infirmary.

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><p>"Haruhi…does it still hurt?"<p>

He two hosts sat on a cot in the infirmary, Haruhi's arm bandaged and in a sling. She impatiently rolled her eyes; this was the third time in the past ten minutes he asked this question.

"Senpai, I'm fine." she said simply.

"HARUHI!" suddenly came a voice from the door. The two of them looked up to see Haruhi's transvestite father, Ranka, standing in the doorway, wearing a light green dress that went well with his long reddish hair. He rushed over and knocked Tamaki to the floor. "Haruhi, my dear child, the nurse called me and told me what happened! I immediately left work and rushed over! Does it still hurt? Do you need any pain medications?" He crushed her in a hug. "How did this even happen?"

She struggled to breathe under the crushing grip of her father's embrace. "Dad, I'm fine. Tamaki-Senpai was in a rush and neither of us were watching where we were-"

Ranka exploded at Tamaki. "So it's YOUR fault my precious Haruhi is hurt! I knew you were trouble since I met you! Why I ought to-"

"Dad!" Haruhi interjected. "Relax. I just need to go to the hospital for x-rays."

"Then we'll go right now! Come on, my darling!" He made a point to smack Tamaki in the head with his white pocketbook before rushing his daughter from the room.

Tamaki stayed where he was on the floor for a moment, contemplating what had happened. He knew that he deserved what Ranka had done to him; afterall, it was _his_ carelessness that caused Haruhi's injury. Getting up from the floor, he decided to call for a car and head home; he was too embarrassed to go back to the club today after what had transpired.

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><p>During the ride home, he gazed out the window, still dwelling on his stupid mistakes throughout the day. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to let go...of anything.<p>

Once he got in the front door of the Suoh's second estate, one of the maids immediately came up to him. "Young Master? Your father is here to see you." Before he could reply, she led him into the dining room, where his father was, indeed, seated at the head of the table, waiting for him.

"Father? What are you doing here?" he asked. His father was silent for a moment before looking at him.

"Sit down, Tamaki." Tamaki obeyed, sitting down at the other end of the long table. From his father's grave tone of voice, he could tell whatever he had to say wasn't very good. "Son…I know my visit is…unexpected…but…I felt I must tell you as soon as I could…"

"Tell me what?"

"Let me finish…Tamaki, I received word this morning that…your mother…has passed away…"

Tamaki's jaw dropped as his eyes met his father's, seeing the pain in them before his own began to well up with tears. Without a word, he bolted from the room and raced up the stairs to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"WHY?" He screamed as he flung himself on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow. _Could this day get any worse?_

Yes it could.

About an hour later, he sat on the edge of his bed, the last of his tears dripping out, when he heard his father's voice from downstairs. Curious, he left his room and sat on the edge of the stairs and listened hard. His father was on the phone with his grandmother.

"Yes, I know, Mom…no, I plan to let Tamaki fly to France for the funeral, after all she was his….What? No! I couldn't do that to him! He needs to properly say his goodbyes…Mom, please don't start that again. I know you never liked her, nor do you like Tamaki, but…yes Ma'am I know he's not the brightest of boys, but that doesn't' t give you right to call him useless…yes Mom I shouldn't have said that, I do apologize, but you know I do care for my son…"

That's all Tamaki had to hear.

_But that doesn't give you the right to call him useless._ Those words echoed in his brain. All day long he had been telling himself that here and there, but now that it came from someone else, it seemed to hit harder. Part of him wanted to pick up the phone to hear what else his grandmother was saying, but deep down he knew he didn't need to hear her cruel insults towards him and his now desceased mother. Fresh tears dripping down his cheeks, the prince retreated back to his room.

That's how the usually overjoyed Host Club prince ended up sitting on the floor of his room with a sharp, bloody knife – again.

The tears poured from his eyes, landing on his wrist. They mixed with the blood and the wound stung from the salt. Tamaki hissed through his teeth. "Never again…" he quietly vowed as he reached for a bandage to wrap around his new cut. He pulled down his shirt sleeve, covering the evidence. "Never _ever_ again!" But in the back of his mind, he knew that he'd do it again tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Well there's chapter one!<strong>

**Please gimme at least 5-10 reviews for the next chapter!**

**-NellieTodd**


	2. Chapter 2 Apologize

**I apologize for not updating sooner. Everytime I sat down to do so, something came up!**

**Oh and for the readers of my Sweeney Todd fics, I'm working on My Reason for Living, so keep and eye out for that!**

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><p>CHAPTER TWO:<p>

Morning was a busy time in the Suoh estate. The maids were busy cleaning the house and moving about, doing their other daily chores; the servants were taking care of the dishes from Tamaki's father's breakfast. The elder Suoh had spent the night at the Second Estate, and then had left early, letting Tamaki sleep in while making a mental note to have his tardiness excused.

The news of his second wife's death haunted him. He had known her health was quite fragile and should've expected this. Still it hit him like a ton of bricks. He sighed to himself as his limo drove off into the bright morning sunlight.

The same sunlight at that moment was shining through the window and onto a sleeping Tamaki's face. He stirred in his sleep, but didn't fully wake up until he heard a knock on the door.

"Young master, your father has left, but he said you can either get up now or sleep some more." called a maid from outside the door. Tamaki awoke and sat up quickly.

"Huh?" Something flew out of his hand and across the room. Nervously, Tamaki went to pick it up; it was the bloody knife from the night before. He shook as he scanned the room; there was a dark red spot on the carpet and his hands and clothes were spotted with blood. _I can't let anyone see me like this!_

"Master Tamaki! Are you alright in there?"

"What? Yes! Yes I'm fine! I just need to get ready for…" he caught sight of the clock. "Crap! I'm late! I'm late for school! Oh if I miss the club meeting I'm doomed! I need to go and see if Haruhi is alright! I have to make it up to her!"

Of course the maid had no clue what Tamaki was babbling about, and she wasn't about to inquire as to what it was. Instead she said, "Then I'll have the car sent around for you. It'll be waiting for you when you're ready." And walked away, leaving the poor boy to stress over the mess. Tamaki hastily rushed into the conjoined bathroom and paused; did he really want to see the result of last night? He knew, though, it needed to be cleaned. Swallowing his pride, he undid the bandage around his wrist. His skin was caked with dried blood and the wound looked really nasty; he had gone a little deeper than intended. Scrubbing with soap, he got as much of it washed off as he could, and then washed off the knife before kicking it under his bed. He then tried to rub as much of bloodstain out of the carpet as he could with a washcloth that he had soaked in hot water and soap.

Though he was frantic and hurriedly doing so, he was still practiced and knew exactly what to do; this hadn't been his first time waking up the morning after cutting and finding a evidence to clean up.

By the time he was done with that and had gotten dressed as well, he checked the clock once more. It turned out that he had slept later than he thought and had to run if he wanted to make it to the Host Club meeting on time. He stumbled down the stairs and out the front door to where the car was waiting for him. His main concern was the damage he'd done to Haruhi; he needed to apologize and try to make it up to her.

_ I know! _ he gleefully thought. _I'll pay off 20% of her debt! That should help make up this!_

As the car drove down the street, the King of the Host Club began to think a little more into that, something he didn't normally do.

_…then again, what does it matter? I'm such an idiot that I'll most likely do something like that again soon…_

Tamaki's eyes suddenly widened at this thought. Why was this running through his head? He shook his head vigorously to rid himself of such thoughts, wondering what was wrong with him. Those dark thoughts had recently been coming to him more and more; it seemed with each cut, the thoughts came more often and would get even darker. Taking in a shaky breath, he prayed that today would go well.

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><p><em>~~THE HOST CLUB IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS~~<em>

"So, Haruhi, how long is your arm going to be in that sling?" piped one girl who was sitting on the couch next to Haruhi. Haruhi eyed the white sling holding her arm in a bent position against her torso. Purple bandages wrapped around her thumb and halfway down her forearm.

"Oh, it's just for the first few days! The doctor wants me to keep it elevated as much as I can! After that, I'll be able to be without it!" She kept a smile on her face, like she always did, even though her wrist was still throbbing in pain. Haruhi always put personal pain in the back of her mind and focused on others around her.

"So…are you mad at Tamaki?" nervously asked the girl on Haruhi's other side. Still smiling, the Host turned to her guest.

"Nah, why should I be? It was just an accident!"

"Oh Haruhi!" swooned the first girl. "You're so sweet and forgiving!" The Host gave a slight chuckle and was about to respond, when they were all distracted by the doors busting open.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki called, running into the room. His long legs took great strides and he was there in seconds. Huffing and puffing, he collapsed to his knees in front of the couch. It took him a few minutes to catch his breath and by the time he did, every pair of eyes was on him, just like the day before. Hands shaking from nerves, he looked up at Haruhi and took her un-bandaged hand in his. The girl could see from his bloodshot eyes that he hadn't gotten much sleep; that the little bit of running had really taken a lot of his energy. "Haruhi, listen, I'm really, _really _sorry about what happened yesterday! I'll swear I'll make it up to you!"

Haruhi was stunned speechless. "Senpai, you don't have to worry about-"

Tamaki went on like she hadn't said anything. "I'll do _anything!_ I'll pay off 20% of your debt if you want! Oh Haruhi, please forgive me!" With his last word, he turned his face away from her and placed the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically.

"Senpai, I already forgave you in the infirmary yesterday, you don't need to-" Again Tamaki interrupted. Only this time, he did so by throwing his arms around her.

"Thank you!" he cried. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" He rubbed his smiling face against hers.

The girls swooned and squealed. Flames of moe soon engulfed the space around them. Rengae, observing everything as usual, snapped a picture of the "touching" moment for her next issue of_ Moe- Moe Ouran Diaries. _

Haruhi finally felt as if she'd had enough of the Host Club King's ever-lasting embrace and gently pushed him off of her. "Senpai, it's fine! It was just an accident! Calm yourself!"

Tamaki chuckled as he pulled away from her. His usual bright smile graced his features. "You're right! It was just an accident! But you can't blame a guy for worrying, Haruhi! After all, I wouldn't want to deprive our beautiful guests of their terrific host!"

The girls squealing again at his complement towards them only made his mood brighter. _So I'm forgiven by everyone, after all? _His heart pounded with excitement at the thought. His eyes scanned the room, looking from girl to girl, until he noticed the girl he'd accidently insulted the day before. Knowing exactly what to do, he took a rose from a vase near by and walked to her, kneeling down before her like he'd done for Haruhi.

"My Princess, please forgive me for yesterday, but you didn't let me finish! Why would being called a horse be such an insult? I mean, just look at the great stallions in the wild, roaming their land, free; their manes blowing back in the breeze!" At this point, the girl's cheeks were a light pink. She smiled and turned away. Tamaki put on finger under her chin and turned her head towards him. "And not to mention, their adorable ponies! Don't be ashamed of how you look, my Princess!" He held out the rose and she took it from him, a smile on her face from ear to ear.

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><p>The rest of club time went smoothly for everyone. When all the guests were gone and everything had been cleaned up, the club members were up to their usual antics; Kyoya on his laptop, the Twins discussing ways to entertain themselves, Hunny eating cake with Mori nearby to keep him company, and Haruhi was reading a book.<p>

Surprisingly, Tamaki was doing the same. He had his class-assigned book in his hand and had sat himself at the table across from Haruhi. Not surprisingly, he wasn't the least bit interested in the book, but was instead glancing up at Haruhi every few minutes, his eyes always falling on her bandaged arm.

All of the sudden, Hikaru piped up. "Wait a minute, Kaoru! I just got the best idea of how to pull one over on Nekozawa-senpai!"

His twin snickered as the two of them stood up and walked to the door. "Let me hear it!"

"Well, first we go to that commoner's hardware store that just opened up and buy a _few…_flashlights…" They left the club room and shut the door behind them.

Kyoya shook his head in distaste, not looking away from his laptop screen. "When _are_ they going to learn?" he muttered.

"We should get going as well, Takashi." Hunny said. "We need to practice for the tournament tomorrow!"

"Yeah." came Mori's typical short response. The two of them had to prepare for a martial arts tournament that weekends, not that anyone expected them to lose.

As the two of them left, Tamaki paid no attention to them. Instead he peeked out from behind his book at Haruhi for the tenth time. He just couldn't help staring at that bandage on her arm and feel a pang of guilt in his stomach, knowing that he had caused that to happen. Despite the good things that went on earlier, her injured arm still was on his mind.

"Senpai, even though I'm reading I can still see you looking at me." Haruhi said. Clearly embarrassed, Tamaki pulled his book up in front his face.

"Momma!" Tamaki whined, addressing Kyoya with his "club-position nickname". "Our daughter's being all creepy again!"

"Who're you calling creepy?" Kyoya calmly asked. "You're the one who keeps staring at her!" Tamaki was about to retort, but when he couldn't come up with anything, slipped into his corner.

"What's with him? He's acting like he just did the worst thing in the world." Haruhi whispered to Kyoya. The Shadow King shrugged.

"Oh, he's just being a Drama Queen...he'll be fine in a few minutes." And that was the end of that.

The three of them continued with what they were doing silently for a few more minutes. Tamaki couldn't help but let the conversation play again and again in his head. He felt bad, as well as stupid for staring at Haruhi like he had. After checking over his shoulder to make sure neither her nor Kyoya were glancing in his direction, the prince rolled up his sleeve and, taking his thumb, dug his nail into his skin as hard as he could. Slowly, he dragged forward a little, leaving a small scratch. It was deep enough to draw blood, but deep enough to sting and leave a mark.

_Why am I so pathetic? I just can't seem to go one day without embarrassing myself in some way! I can't-_

A clap of thunder from outside disturbed his thoughts. He instantly turned around to see Haruhi frozen where she sat, her eyes wide with panic.

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><p><strong>I know things in this story may seem a little odd right now, but I promise they'll make sense as it continues. <strong>

**I want to thank death-sama-lover, Arisutea, Jokergirl4ever, shadowsfromthedream and the eternal fire that burns for my first five reviews! Thanks guys!**

**Until next time,**

**-NellieTodd**


	3. Chapter 3 Thunder

**Sorry it's not the best chapter and things might seem a little confusing right now, but I promise that it'll all make sense later!**

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><p>CHAPTER 3: Thunder<p>

Haruhi sat frozen in her chair, shaking as a second clap of thunder resounded outside. She had always been terrified of thunder, even though she was in high school now. Tamaki watched her from his corner, unsure if he should help, or if he would just be in the way, over reacting like he "usually was".

"Haruhi?" Kyoya questioned. "Are you alright?" Though it was obvious to the Shadow King that she wasn't alright in the least way. A flash of lightening suddenly lit up the room, causing the poor girl to dive under the table, covering her ears and scrunching her eyes shut tightly. "Haruhi, come on, now. It's just a storm; no reason to be afraid." But Haruhi just looked at him, staring right through him, tears in her eyes. She whimpered as more thunder rumbled. Kyoya sighed. Getting down on his hands and knees, he crawled under the table to try and find some way to comfort the terrified freshman.

Tamaki's muscles tensed with embarrassment. How could he not think of helping her? How could he sit there and let her suffer? Surely she must hate him now!

He forced himself to look at her; there she was, leaning against a very unsure-looking Kyoya. This was his only chance to help her and make up for waiting and allowing Kyoya to get to her first! In one quick second, Tamaki was under the table as well, holding Haruhi to his chest, covering her ears as best he could.

_Think quickly, Tamaki. Quickly!_

"Kyoya, let's get her into the prep room. It's quieter in there." Maneuvering so they could easily keep her eyes and ears covered, the two men moved her into the back room and shut the door. Tamaki scooped her up and carried her into the corner. When he tried to put her down on the floor, she clung to his shirt. "Shh…it's ok, Haruhi…we're right here with you; we're not going anywhere until this storm passes." He backed up until he was against the wall and then slid to the floor, Haruhi still in his arms.

Minutes felt like hours as they ticked by, marked by the flashes of light that lit up the crack under the door. The thunder could barely be heard, however, from where they were in the prep room.

For once, Haruhi was quite thankful to have the Host Club. Kyoya rubbed her back while Tamaki cradled her tightly, rocking her ever so gently. She never had expected her Senpai to look out for her like this, let alone remember that she's terrified of storms. Maybe he wasn't the biggest idiot on the planet after all.

Tamaki's heart was pounding. This was a moment he'd been awaiting for the longest time; being able to hold her like this without her protesting. If she heard a clap of thunder, she would bury her face in his shoulder a little more, much to Tamaki's delight.

At long last, when they hadn't seen or heard any bit of the storm for a while, Kyoya stood and said softly, "I'll go check to see what the weather's doing right now…" And he left the room, being careful not to open the door too wide. He slipped out and closed it quickly, leaving the Host Club King alone with his "princess". Reluctantly, he peered down at her.

"You doing alright, there, Haruhi?" She nodded, not looking up. He placed his hand on the back of her head. "It's almost over…you're doing just fine…"

Kyoya walked back into the room. "Well the storm has seemed to have passed over, but there might be more later on. I suggest we get Haruhi home now, unless we want to be stuck here all night."

Tamaki knew that it was getting late, but he wasn't so focused on getting home, as much as he was on making sure Haruhi would be ok. "Haruhi, how about you come over to me house and have dinner there?" The girl picked up her head and looked at him.

"Senpai, it's nice of you to offer, but, I need to make sure my dad has his dinner as well, and-"

"And besides that, Ranka hates you…" The Shadow King interjected. His friend winced at the reminder of that fact; a reaction that didn't go unnoticed. "Fine…we'll bring her to my place for dinner. I'll let her father know."

There was a moment of silence before the overly-excited Tamaki leapt into Kyoya's arms. "Mon ami! Mon ami! Thank you! I promise you won't regret this, Kyoya!"

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><p>About half an hour later, they arrived at the Otori mansion. Thankfully, any rain that was coming held off until they got there.<p>

Kyoya led the other two hosts into the dining room. In there stood an exquisite table, large enough to hold about 20 people at minimum. Already on it was a marvelous and delicious looking dinner. However, there were only two table settings.

Haruhi immediatly knew who wasn't sitting there. "Kyoya-Senpai? Aren't you going to eat with us?" He smiled warmly and shook his head.

"You know, I would like to, Haruhi, but seeing as how I have quite a full scedule tonight, it's out of the question. For you two, I've had the cooks whip up all their finest dishes, a lot of the recipes and ingridents are imported from different countries, so you'll definetly leave on a full stomach." He walked toward the door. "Oh and try not to make a mess...Tamaki..."

Even though Tamaki knew deep down he was making a joke, the words stung.

_Why do they even hurt? I know he was joking!_

_Then again, it's true; I am an absolute klutz and it's nice of him to risk his beautiful home around me!_

_Oh, get it together, Suoh! You're his friend, it's damn JOKE! get it through your HEAD already!_

Without realizing it, Tamaki began to push back his sleeve and scratch at his wrist...

"Senpai? Don't you want to sit down?" Haruhi asked, bringing him back to reality. She was already sitting at the grand table, staring at him. His cheeks turned bright red as he sat down. For the first 20 minutes, the two of them sat in silence. The table was big, but they were still sitting in seats that were close enough that if they spoke they'd hear each other. Haruhi had already begun eating, savoring each bite of foods that she never got to try before.

_Should I say something?_

Tamaki played with his food nervously as he watched her eat. The silence was killing him! He had to say something; anything!

"Um…those children in the uniforms we saw on the ride home were pretty cute!" he suddenly blurted out. Immediately, he felt dumber than he ever had. What a stupid thing to say! Ashamed of himself, he put his hands under the table and began to scratch inconspicuously at that same spot as earlier.

She put down her fork and looked up at her Senpai. "You mean those girl scouts?" Her mouth was half full. She swallowed before flashing her beautiful smile. "Yeah, I guess they were pretty cute, huh?" When Tamaki didn't answer she simply went back to eating.

_Well at least, she answered and didn't say that it was stupid a stupid thing to say…but even so, I've gotta watch what I say…I can't have people laughing at me anymore than I already do…_

"You know, I was a Girl Scout once." she suddenly continued, disturbing Tamaki's thoughts. "It was kind of fun, I guess. The older girls weren't very nice, and our troupe leader was very…oh, how can I put this…incompetent. We did a lot of crafts and I did enjoy a lot of the trips we took! And I had a lot of the girls from my class in the same troupe, making the obnoxious girls tolerable!"

"So…why'd you give it up?" He was truly intrigued by this story; more so by the fact that Haruhi was actually sharing it with him.

"Well, as you know, when my mom passed away, I began cooking for my dad every night. Even though he told me he could manage on take out and simple meals, I still preferred making sure he got proper home-cooked meals every now and again. So, much to his objection, I didn't sign up when I entered my third year of grade school.

"Later on, I found out from Ori that Boy Scouts was a lot more exciting. They got to go camping, and were a lot more serious than us girls. We sold cookies. That was our thing."

Tamaki couldn't help but laugh. He couldn't help picturing Haruhi in one of those cute uniforms. The evening continued quite well from there. It got easier and easier for them to get deep into conversations and really enjoy them.

Tamaki was actually a deeper person than Haruhi expected; when he wasn't going crazy over the small things, you could actually have a nice conversation with him.

For the next few hours, they talked endlessly about memories, obnoxious and stupid classmates, and just about anything else they could think of.

Thankfully, Kyoya's weather prediction was wrong and there weren't any more storms that evening. Their conversations went longer than planned and eventually they realized it was time to go home. At the end of the evening, Tamaki gave Haruhi a ride home in his limo. Like a gentleman, he walked her up to her apartment. Just before she went inside, he took the chance and asked, "If you're not doing anything tomorrow, Haruhi…." He looked at his feet nervously. "You want to…hang out or something?"

Haruhi smiled as she unlocked her door. "Maybe tomorrow afternoon?"

He nodded, too happy to speak. _It's a date! _he couldn't help but think.

In the limo ride back home, all he could think about was her. For the first time in months, he had hope. If she really did want to go out with him after all, then maybe he'd finally be able to pull up out of this dark depression. Maybe he'd be able to stop cutting once and for all!

Later that night, as he got ready for bed, he noticed the knife peeking out from underneath the bed. With a smile on his face, he kicked it fully underneath. "Not tonight!" he muttered out loud. Tamaki then got into bed, feeling so excited and wound up, yet so tired and worn out all at once.

* * *

><p>There was a change; that was for sure. There had been for a week!<p>

But the question was….what was it?

Kyoya tried hard, but just couldn't put his finger on it. Tamaki was his usual cheerful and overly dramatic self, yes, but there was a peculiar twinkle in his eye; there had been all week. Ever since eating dinner at his house, Tamaki's mood perked up a lot more when they weren't doing club activities.

Then it finally clicked; the answer had been there all along. Why didn't he see it in the first place?

Now he knew what was really making his friend so happy. But how to get him to confess? The gears in his head turned as his eyes flickered to the twins, sitting on a couch, pulling their "Brotherly love" routine. He smiled as he made his way over to the twins, a plan fully in his head.

* * *

><p><strong>Uh-oh, what's Kyoya up to now?<strong>

**And Like I said, it's gonna all make sense later! and sorry this chapter is so short!**


	4. Chapter 4 Dans le LoveGame

**Oooh my am I getting sloppy with updating!**

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><p>Hunny sighed contently as he put down his fork. All the guests had left 15 minutes ago and in that time he was able to scarf down four slices of cake.<p>

The boy Lolita had somehow convinced Tamaki to come and have some cake with him. Hunny had noticed secretly that the prince had seemed a little moody lately and thought he might cheer him up with something sweet. Tamaki was washing down a slice of strawberry cake with a cup of tea. He then placed the cup down and got up to grab his bag.

"Well I'd better be going. " He gave a small wave and headed for the door. Tamaki had gotten one hand on the door handle before he heard a voice behind him.

"Not so fast, Tamaki." Kyoya piped up, writing in his little black notebook. "There's been a change in plans." In confusion, Tamaki stopped and looked over at him. So did all the other hosts, including the twins who had been told to act surprised.

"Kyoya-Senpai, what are you talking about?" asked a curious Haruhi. The Shadow King shut his notebook and smiled mischievously.

"Oh, I just thought we could have some fun, is all. A little game, perhaps?"

Tamaki had never been more confused. "Game?"

"Yes, Tamaki, a game. You know how you have an obsession with commoner's games?" This caused the blond-haired boy 's face to light up. "Well I thought about it and decided that we oughta try a game out before playing it with our guests. We'll all sit down here on the floor and play a little game called Truth of Dare for about an hour. What do you guys say?"

The twins looked at each other, obvious hunger and excitement in their eyes. Honey just shrugged as he got up from his chair. Mori followed him. Tamaki, his excitement growing, skipped over to the spot where they'd be playing. Haruhi sighed.

"Let's just get this over with…please…"

Once all the hosts were seated in a circle, Kyoya tucked his black book away and stared across the circle. "Alright, Hikaru. You can either pick Truth and answer my question without any lies, or pick Dare and I'll give you a dare to do. Take your pick."

Hikaru thought for a moment. "Truth!"

"Alright. Let's see….have you ever, not in front of our guests, made out with your brother."

Hikaru turned to look at his blushing twin before answering. "Yeah, there have been times Kaoru and have made out." He grinned sheepishly.

Kyoya smiled. "Alright, Hikaru, now it's your turn to pick. Ask anyone truth or dare."

Hikaru looked around. As everyone would've suspected, he picked his twin. "Kaoru, truth or dare?"

"Dare!"  
>"Ok…" he looked around once more, his eyes falling on Haruhi. "I dare you to kiss Haruhi!"<p>

The rest of club instantly all turned to look at her. Haruhi appeared to be surprised, but other than that not entirely shaken. Tamaki, on the other hand was one shaken as his mind went into overdrive again.

_This can't be happening! Tonight was to be the night! I was going to tell her I love her tonight! No!_

"So…Haruhi?" Kaoru asked moving closer. "You ready?" She shrugged.

"Well it's just a silly little game right?" she reasoned out loud.

"Just for a second."

Tamaki's mind was reeling. _Haruhi, don't do it! I should speak up for her! No, I shouldn't it would make me look stupid! But what if I don't and they fall in love, I can't let that happen, either!_

He didn't have any more time to think about it; in the next three seconds, Kaoru and Haruhi had kissed. Tamaki felt his heart pounding out of his chest as he awaited her reaction. The room was silent for a moment that seemed to last forever.

Breaking the silence, Haruhi whispered. "That…felt…amazing…Kaoru? Can we do that again?" and the twin happily acquiesced.

While all the other members of the Host Club "aww'd" and clapped, Tamaki felt the room spinning.

"Haruhi…" Kaoru breathed in between kisses. "I guess this means…we're going out, huh?"

_No!_

She nodded with enthusiasm.

_No! This isn't happening! Please tell me this isn't happening!_

The two of them went into the back room to kiss a little more, leaving Tamaki to wallow in his dispair. When they came out 15 mintues later, Kaoru had a big smile on his face.

"Attention everyone!" All the people in the room turned to look at him and it grew silent. All of a sudden, as if by magic, the club room had been filled with guests and they were all being entertained before the inturuption. Tamaki found himself seated on a couch in between two guests instead of on the floor where he was a moment ago. "After two years of dating, Haruhi and I have decided that when we gradute this year, we are...to be married!"

The girls applauded like mad. Tamaki's face fell.

_Wait..two years...shouldn't I have graduated already?_

"Well now that she's unavailable for good, you thinking of graduating this time, boss?" Hikaru asked from nearby.

"What?"

"Don't you remember? After they began dating you fell into such a depression that you failed your second year! You had to repeat it! Kyoya, Mori and Hunny have already graudated!"

Tamaki glanced around, suddenly seeing the newest Host Club members. He felt the room spinnging again. He felt sick to his stomach. Not knowing what to do, he scrunched his eyes shut. When he opened them, the Hosts- the original ones- were staring at him. It took the Prince a moment to realize he had fallen backwards onto the floor, right in the spot where he had been. The whole thing was just in his head.

"Senpai?" questioned Haruhi as the embarrassed boy sat himself up.

"I'm ok, I just had a…a moment…" He forced a smile and laugh to try to convince the others, but they all continued to stare at him. Finally, he sighed as his face turned bright red. "Um…carry on…with the…game thing…"

Kaoru shrugged "Alright! My turn now! Haruhi, truth or dare?" The game continued on from there like nothing had happened. Tamaki then realized he was holding his breath. Letting it out slowly, he smiled to himself.

_It was just my over-active imagination once again! I still have a chance!_

The hosts continued to play for an hour; they got so wrapped up in the game they lost track of time. Pretty soon all it became was dares! Those were too darn fun! After a while, however, they started to run out of dares.

It was Tamaki's turn and he was having trouble picking a good dare for Haruhi; one that wouldn't offend her. "Haruhi, I dare you to kiss someone!"

She glanced his way. "Who?"

"Anyone. I don't care."

She chuckled. "You just want to kiss me, don't you, Senpai." He froze. "It's fine with me!"

"Come on, boss, we all know!" Hikaru chimed in.

Tamaki sighed. "Alright then. Haruhi, I dare you to kiss me!"

And so without any hesitation, she leaned in. Neither of them was experienced in the way of kissing and it made it severely awkward, yet still enjoyable. They broke away after a few seconds, but to Tamaki that beautiful moment he'd so long awaited for seemed to have lased forever. Oh how he wished it would have!

The other hosts were watching the pair; well all accept for Kyoya who was writing in his book once again.

"Well, well, tonight sure showed some interesting developments after all…"

"Wow, Haru-chan! I never thought you two would actually kiss!" Hunny piped up.

"Mm." Mori agreed. Haruhi laughed.

"Oh come on, you guys! We only kissed!" But no matter what she said, even Haruhi herself couldn't deny the fact that something was beginning; something different than she'd ever felt before.

Don't get him wrong; Ranka had noticed how much happier Haruhi had seemed ever since she and Tamaki had begun hanging out, but that still didn't mean he was totally happy about leaving them alone together when he had to work overtime later that week.

"Now Haruhi, remember where that bottle of pepper spray is!" Ranka muttered to Haruhi as he was leaving for the evening. It was just after dinner and Haruhi was trying to get her father to leave already and go to work.

"Dad, I'll see you tomorrow morning! Bye!"

"I'm just trying to make sure you're safe, Haruhi!" She nudged him the rest of the way out the door.

"And remember where my work number is!" He was practically clinging to the doorway.

"Bye, dad!" She shut the door before looking at Tamaki, who was patiently waiting on the couch. With a small smile, she joined him.

"So, Haruhi…what do you want to do?" he asked after a tentative moment.

"Since our homework's done, I guess we could just watch some TV for a while." Haruhi was never one for "hanging out" and neither was he. They both were completely unsure of what to do.

They spent the next half hour flipping through channels; nothing was really on. They came across some odd game show and decided to try to guess the answers. Getting bored of that pretty quickly, they turned off the TV and stared at the blank screen.

"Oh wow look at this great movie!" Tamaki joked, pointing at their reflection in the screen. She giggled.

"Oh my god, those actors look just like us!"

"Yeah and look they're doing exactly what we're doing!" He reached over to her other shoulder and poked her. She did the same to him. They soon realized they had their arms around each other. Chuckling nervously, they pulled back.

There was a stale silence in the room as the tensions built. Trying to figure out something to do with her hands, Haruhi grabbed a nearby pillow and began flipping it.

"So…you wanna go out with me?" the words just dropped from her mouth.

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><p><strong>Confused on how this fits into the story? It'll all make sense soon!<strong>

**I'd like 6-7 reviews before my next update!**


	5. Chapter 5 Make It Stop

**i am so, so, so, so, so, so, SO sorry for not updating sooner!**

**Ok a little explaination; my school play had finally ended, but what was keeping me from really working on this was that a lot of feeling goes into this. It can be tough to write this. There are some points that get hard to write because i tend to incorperate things from life into my stories.**

**I know Haruhi is slightly OOC in my story, and I apologize for that and any other inconsistancies. **

**READ ON! REVIEW! 7-10 REVIEWS= NEXT CHAPTER!**

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

"I mean…we've been hanging out for a while…and everyone seems to think we are going out. So…why not actually give it a try?" She grinned nervously.

Tamaki's jaw fell open in utter shock. These were words he'd been dying to say to her (or hear from her) for a long time. In his fantasies, he'd gone over a million different ways it could play out; most of them including her cosplaying in some cute girly outfit.

But now, as she stared at him, eagerly awaiting his response, he had nothing to say. He was speechless. The usually hyper Host King was frozen in his seat. How should he say yes? He didn't want to sound too excited that she finally asked him out; it might scare her, or even expose the lovesick moron he truly is. But on the other hand, it might make her sad if he sounded uninterested.

"It's a little awkward you know, when someone asks you out." He said with a smile. "The response is always the awkward part!"

She couldn't help but smile back; he was such an idiot most of the time. "Yeah, I guess it is a little awkward." She tossed the pillow aside. "So…is that a yes?"

Tamaki's stomach tightened in knots right at that moment and he went from nervous to nauseous. Though in reality he wanted to be her boyfriend, deep down, he didn't think things would last very long. In some of his latest fantasies thoughts of issues with the Host Club or the fact that he's a total moron would get in the way almost instantly.

But he didn't say so. Instead he said. "Yes! Of course it is!"

By ten o'clock that night, the two of them were snuggled up together on the couch, watching the DVD of _Alice in Wonderland._ Something about it all just fit perfectly. Everything felt to be where it should be. Without even thinking, Tamaki took hold of her hand. Almost instantly, she pulled away.

_Crap! Moved too soon!_

Those thoughts stopped once she tentatively took his hand once more. Tamaki sighed contently to himself. Maybe this was all that he was missing.

When the movie had ended and Tamaki's limo had come to pick him up, Haruhi walked him to the door.

"I guess I'll see you at school?" she said.

He smiled. _She's so cute! _"Yeah! I'll see you then! Goodnight, Haruhi!"

"Goodnight….Tamaki." No "Senpai" came after his name. Gently, she shut the door.

A warm feeling slivered up Tamaki's spine, making him feel as light as a feather as he danced his way down the stairs to the car. He searched his mind desperately, but he couldn't recall when he had last felt this amazing. Hell, he couldn't find words to even describe this feeling that he felt!

He got into the limo and settled in, the smile not leaving his face. Could this night go even better? _She_ asked _him! _After they had been hanging out for a while, they were finally _going out!_

In his excitement, he picked up his phone and called Kyoya. He should be the first to know! He was the one who pushed them together, little by little!

* * *

><p>At the Ootori mansion, the youngest son roused from his sleep, agitated that he'd even been woken up at all, to the sound of his phone ringing.<p>

"Who the hell could be calling now?" he growled, reaching for his phone. Through his tired eyes, he caught a glimpse of the display; Tamaki. "Of course…" He flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Kyoya!" Tamaki yelped happily. "You'll never guess what happened! Haruhi just asked me out!" His voice was about as high as his heart was. The Shadow King said nothing. He was in shock. It seemed so out of character for her to do that! But the fact that he was so tired prevented him from clearly thinking any further. "Kyoya? You still there?"

"Yeah…I am…I'm just tired…and a little annoyed that you called this late, Tamaki. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

The pissed off tone of his voice made Tamaki's blood run cold. He knew what his friend was like when woken up. "Right…sorry, Mon Ami! I just needed to tell you! Bye!" and he hurriedly hung up.

He knew that Kyoya would most likely kick his ass in the morning. But he for some reason he couldn't bring himself to care. As he arrived home, he went straight up to bed, excited and exhausted at the same time.

* * *

><p>~~<em>THE HOST CLUB IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS~~<em>

There was surprisingly applause and cheering after it got out that Tamaki and Haruhi were dating. The girls were actually going nuts over the fact that there was a second homosexual couple in the Host Club.

"Ugh, we might as well sneak some Yaoi books into the library. These girls will flip over _anything _of that nature." Hikaru grumbled.

Kaoru chuckled. "Calm down, Hika!" The younger twin placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Don't be jealous. It's not like they're getting more guests because of it."

"Don't be so sure!" Kyoya said. He couldn't help but overhear their conversation. As he typed away at his laptop, he broke the news to the twins by pulling up a bar graph and pointing to a specific bar. "Haruhi and Tamaki's request rates have gone up thirty percent all in one day! That's quite a record!" His finger drifted to another bar, which was a lot lower. "While your request rate has dropped about eighteen percent. "

The twins' jaws dropped. "Well this sucks." they said in unison.

Over on Tamaki's couch, the girls were watching him as he kept his eyes absent-mindedly on Haruhi. It was so hard for him to look away for even a second! She was so beautiful…and finally his!

Haruhi, meanwhile, acted like her usual self; she was acting like nothing was different. Even though she kept the same demeanor, the Club knew that somewhere inside she was as probably heightened as her new boyfriend. There was no way she couldn't at least feel a little good! Even though she didn't care that much about relationships and being in one was completely new to her, it certainly made her a little happier. (She just didn't show it as much as Tamaki)

Among the Host Club members, there were small waves of jealously; they all liked her like that, but they wouldn't dare get in between them.

"Haru-chan! When are you and Tama-chan are gonna get married?" Hunny joked. The girls nearby sighed dreamily at the thought while Haruhi just chuckled.

"Hunny-Senpai, I don't think that's going to happen for a while." The loli-boy host just smiled back at her.

However, in Tamaki's mind, that seemed already like a possibility!

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><p>~~<em>THE THEATRE OF TAMAKI'S MIND~~<em>

All of their friends were there. It was a bright and perfect sunny day. Tamaki anxiously waited as he watched the church doors open once more.

The crowd stood up as Ranka escorted his daughter down the aisle. After a while, he had actually come to like Tamaki and was now proud to give his daughter to him.

As the preacher spoke, all Tamaki could see was her. His beautiful bride.

* * *

><p>"Tamaki?" One of the guests asked. The Host King had this odd look on his face and was making happy, yet unintelligible noises.<p>

"What's wrong with him; is he sick or something?" another asked. The twins, who were walking by, glanced their way.

"Eh, don't worry about him." Kaoru said.

"He's just having some weird daydream, is all." Hikaru added.

As the girls watched Tamaki, others were still with Haruhi. They had been watching the scene on the other side of the room, when one girl piped up, "So…does this mean…you're both gay?"

Haruhi froze, she and Tamaki hadn't had any time to really talk over what their excuse was going to be. Now as she looked at the three girls' eager faces, she knew she had to think quickly and on her feet. Maybe, she thought, they could get away with going both ways?

"Sort of. We're both bisexual!" She'd have to sort it out with Tamaki later, and knowing that they were both entirely straight, it was going to be a little odd for the two of them to say otherwise.

The girls smiled in relief. Soon they all got to talking like usual, the awkward moment forgotten. But about 20 minutes later, Haruhi felt two arms around her from behind. As she turned her head to see who it was, she was greeted by Tamaki's face- and his lips.

They had had their first kiss right in front of everyone entirely by mistake!

Flames of Moe had never been hotter as the girls squealed and surrounded them.

"Well there goes that last eighteen percent." The twins muttered at the same time, noticing their own guests were watching the first kiss as well. That's when Hikaru got an idea. He stood up, acting like he was going to get something and then purposely tripped.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru cried as he rushed to his twin. That certainly got their guests attention.

"Welcome back, eighteen percent!" Hikaru whispered. His twin grinned before they continued with their routine.

* * *

><p>"Nah, I think we've done a tropical theme before." Kyoya sighed. They were pitching ideas for the next theme and so far none of them came up with anything.<p>

All of the Hosts groaned; it was already an hour after school had let out; they wanted to get home!

All of a sudden, an idea hit Tamaki like a ton of bricks!

_A murder mystery!_

He had seen it on TV once and it looked like a lot of fun! But he wondered how all of the hosts would react to it; would they like it? Mentally he slapped himself and stopped his thoughts right there! He had to fight this! It was time to be brave! It was time to take control and put his ideas out on the front lines once more, even under risk of rejection!

_I mean, look at how far the Host Club has come, just because I dared to bring the idea to life!_

He was suddenly overwhelmed with such a feeling of possibility! It was this feeling that he loved; when he felt that he was soaring high in the air; too happy to give a crap; feeling that he could do anything! This great rush was what hope brought him. All he had to do now was open his mouth, and…

"How about a murder mystery?" His eyes were bright with the idea. "I saw it once on a TV show!" He randomly pulled out his portable television, the images on it corresponding with his narration. "Check it out! Everyone starts out laughing and having a fun time, then suddenly, someone's on the floor, dead! Then everyone else in the party has to find out who the murderer is and on the way, more people are killed!" The hosts looked at each other. "And at the end when we find out who the murder is, we can all have a party!"

The hosts were silent as the thought about it, then Kyoya said, "No, I don't think that'll be a good idea. Budget wise, we could do it, but remember our guests tend to take everything small and make it huge, so therefore even a fake death of a host might be a little too much for them. "

Tamaki felt embarrassed. He was so sure that it would work!

_Why should I feel so hurt that we're not using my idea? Kyoya's right it just wouldn't work!_

"Hey what if we do a pirate's theme?" Hunny asked. "Some of my guests were telling me all about this American-made pirate's saga, Pirates of the Caribbean! They said they loved it!"

"Hey, yeah! I like that one!" Kaoru said.

"We can all dress up and talk like pirates…the whole thing! This is perfect!" Hikaru agreed.

"Mmm." Mori added.

The Shadow king opened up his book and wrote it down. "I certainly don't see why not. Alright, next week, our guests shall come in to find they've stumbled into Pirates of the Caribbean. We'll watch the movies to figure out what exactly we need.

"Yay!" The twins high fived.

"This actually sounds like fun." Haruhi said simply. "What do you think, Tamaki?"

Tamaki shrugged. "It's cool."

A little while later, Tamaki was walking Haruhi to his limo, when they noticed Nekozawa hiding in the shade of a tree.

"Senpai?" Haruhi questioned.

"Shh!" Nekozawa looked both ways before continuing. "You haven't seen the twins, have you?"

"No, I think they left about five minutes ago, but why are you hiding from-"

"It's not _them,_ I'm hiding from…" he gulped. "But their _flashlights!_ A week ago I opened up the door to my black magic club…and there...was the most horrible thing! Flashlights! All turned on and pointed at me! There must've been about thirty –five of them! I ran for the cover of any darkness I could find and behind me I could hear those twins laughing!"

The two lovers looked at each other, completely unsure of what to say. "Nekozawa, we'll talk to them for you. Right now it's best if you got on home, so how about we give-" Tamaki was going to offer him a ride, but Nekozawa had taken the first part of his suggestion and was running down the street, trying to avoid contact with what was left of the sunlight.

"Well that was a little unexpected." Haruhi commented, getting into the limo. Her boyfriend did the same.

"Eh, that's Nekozawa for you." The limo began pulling away and they were silent for a moment. "I just feel sorry for him; so many kids spread nasty rumors about him."

"Rumors?" Honestly, she hadn't heard any. "Like what?"

"People are saying that he cuts himself. Just because he's so dark doesn't necessarily mean that he does!"

She shook her head. "People can be cruel, especially at our age." he nodded in agreement. They were quiet again for another few minutes. "I still don't understand why anyone would cut themselves. His stomach twisted up knots at her words as he looked at her, trying to appear confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I get why people would feel depressed, but cutting seems so senseless to me. You're just creating a different problem. I remember that when my mom died my dad was pretty depressed for a while. He started drinking and had to go through counseling. When I got older, he revealed to me he had cut himself on the wrist one day with a knife, which really woke him up to the fact that his problems weren't going to be solved in this way and he had to work to towards getting better. He never hurt himself again, but he said that he felt pretty stupid for doing so. I don't find him stupid, but I think he was just wrong to do that at all."

Now that didn't help Tamaki at all. It just made him feel worse than he already felt.

When she wasn't looking, he peered down at his bandaged wrist.

_What would she say if she found out? Would she dump me?_

The rest of the way home, he pondered that question, thinking of all the possibilities that could happen if she found out; none of which were positive. Suddenly he was pulled out of his stupor by his cell phone ringing. It was Hunny.

"Hello?"

"Tama-chan! I have a great idea for that pirates theme! So the guy in the movie, Captain Jack Sparrow, I was thinking you could cosplay as him and Haruhi could cosplay as-"

" I think it's dumb!" Tamaki blurted out before he could stop himself. He instantly regretted it; he didn't think it was bad, he just felt a little peeved that his idea wasn't picked. For some reason, he couldn't let that go, even though he knew he should.

Hunny was silent for a second before he began to cry. Tamaki was sick to his stomach; he didn't understand why he had let himself say that to his friend.

"Hunny-Senpai! I didn't mean-" Hunny had hung up on him.

_Great. Just great._

Now he had gone too far! He knew that he shouldn't have said that too him!

As the seconds ticked by, the events hardened into his mind, as if it were a clay sculpture drying. From what he remembered, there had been a thought nagging him at the back of his brain to say that to him. However, another thought had been telling him not to do so.

_When everyone else finds out, I'm dead! Haruhi will think I'm a jerk! And Mori…he's gonna kill me! Well then again, if Kyoya doesn't kill me first…_

All that evening he couldn't get his mind off of this. It was eating away inside of him. He lay on his bed, his head feeling heavy with "what ifs"

"Ugh! I've gotta stop thinking about this!" he said out loud to himself. "This is driving me to madness! They haven't even found out and I'm already stressing over it!"

However, no matter how much he tried to calm down, the pain just wouldn't stop. It built up inside of him. It bubbled in him like mad. He felt pinned down to the bed; like he couldn't move. He almost felt afraid of getting out of bed. Rolling out, he managed to get up and stand. But that didn't help; it just made him dizzy.

He dropped to his knees and wasted no time reaching under his bed for the knife. Once he had it at his wrist, something inside him made him stop. Tamaki lowered it down by his side, thinking about what he was doing. Then, with all his might he chucked it across the room. Using his bed as support, he pulled himself back up and into it.

"What the hell is happening to me? I thought this was over! Especially now that I have Haruhi, I have no reason to feel this way!"

At this point, he couldn't suffer alone; he needed to talk to someone before he hurt himself again.

_Kyoya!_

Without thinking, he grabbed his phone and texted him.

"_Kyoya…it's happening again…"_

* * *

><p>Somewhere in town, Kyoya was sitting at his desk finishing up his homework when his phone beeped. Before he even saw the text message, something in his gut told him it was going to be from Tamaki.<p>

His eyes scanned the small screen; was he really doing this again? When was he going to realize this was no way to get attention?

"_Tamaki, I don't want to hear it. Stop being a drama queen and leave me alone."_

* * *

><p>Tamaki read the text over, his heart breaking even more each time. Wasn't Kyoya supposed to be his best friend? The one who cared about him the most?<p>

_He doesn't care! Why should anyone care about whether I live or die?_

The stabbing pain returned to his stomach and tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. He hated it when he went through nights like this; nights where he was a lonely fuck up. It always happened whenever something good happened in his life. It's like he couldn't be happy!

_Fuck this, I'm going to bed. _

The prince didn't bother getting into his warm, silk pajamas. He just stripped to his boxers and crawled into bed. Lying there in the darkness however, just didn't help. He couldn't stop tossing and turning and thinking about that text, about Hunny and about Haruhi.

The pain twisted at him and tortured him until he bolted upright in bed. Being as quiet as possible, he crept out of bed and felt around in the darkness until he felt the cold of that blade in his hands.

Once his foot was covered in blood, Tamaki stopped and cleaned up his ankle. It was the sting that really gave him the rush of calm; the sting brought him back to reality each time.

As he got into to bed, he fell right to sleep, hoping to wake up to a brighter day.

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><p><strong>I will TRY to be more speedy with my updates! PLEASE be patient!<strong>

**R&R...and happy new year to you all!**

**Love and Hugs,**

**NellieTodd**


	6. Chapter 6 Shut Up

**Yikes! It's been half a year since I've updated! Don't hurt me!**

**sorry if this chapter's rushed or it sucks!**

**BTW i dunno if anyone's noticed, but the chapter names are based on songs that set the mood for the chapter. This chapter is semi-Shut Up by Simple Plan. **

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><p>Chapter 6<p>

Tamaki held his breath and continued walking. This wasn't going to be a pleasant day; the fact that he had yelled at Hunny was going to cause major problems, he just knew it!

The wind blew his hair in all different directions. He had gotten out of the limo about halfway to school, his thought racing too much for him to stay still.

He knew how sensitive Hunny was! How could he have been so stupid as to forget that?

"Man, they're all going to hate me," Tamaki said out loud to himself as he dragged his feet miserably along the sidewalk. "I mean, I know what's going to happen the moment I get to school and to the club…"

_~~THE THEATRE OF TAMAKI'S MIND~~_

_Tamaki walked up to the door of the club room, his stomach doing flip-flops. He took in a deep breath to calm himself before reaching to open the door. _

_"I can't believe he really did that," came Hikaru's voice from behind the door._

_"Yeah, what's up with that?" Kaoru questioned. _

_"I'm really sorry, Hunny," Haruhi said._

_Tamaki felt his stomach tighten up in knots as he shut his eyes and opened the door. _

_Seated on one of the couches was Hunny, his face red from crying. The other host club members were around him, trying to comfort him. The minute the door opened, they all looked up._

_The Prince swallowed nervously. In his head he had rehearsed his apology for Hunny, but now his throat felt dry and he was tongue tied. _

_"You know, Tamaki that was a dumb thing for you to do!" Haruhi snapped suddenly, not giving the Prince a chance to talk._

_"Yeah, honestly, even if you didn't like the idea, you didn't have to start all this drama!" Kyoya added._

_Tamaki felt like he was trapped. Everyone stared angrily at him. _

Tamaki quickly shook his head, ridding himself of the horrible fantasy. "No, it's going to be just fine! Hunny will probably forgive me and there won't be any issues!"

Suddenly feeling more confident, he began to walk faster. Realizing suddenly that he was late, he ran the rest of the way to school.

He burst through the doors to the Host club room. Everyone, except for Kyoya was in the prep room. The Shadow king was on his laptop, like usual.

"You're late, Tamaki," he noted out loud, not even glancing up.

Tamaki panted as he spoke. "I know, I apologize. I was a little side-tracked."

"Well, you'd better hurry up and get changed. Our guests will arrive in half an hour." His tone was impersonal and uninterested.

"Right!" Tamaki headed for the prep room without a moment's hesitation, though he couldn't help but wonder why Kyoya seemed so cold today.

_No! I can't do this now. Kyoya's my best friend. I gotta focus!_

He went into the prep room and got into his costume.

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><p>"Why am I always the one who has to dress like a girl?" Haruhi questioned, clearly annoyed, as the Twins were putting the finishing accessories on her costume. The twins were dressed as twin Blackbeards.<p>

"Because, Haruhi, you're the only one who looks good dressed like a girl," they chorused. She was dressed like Angelica, Captain Jack Sparrow's former lover.

Haruhi pouted."I _am _a girl, you know…"

"Besides that, since you're dating Tono…" Hikaru began.

"…it only makes sense that you're cosplays go together!" finished Kaoru, gesturing to Tamaki, who was checking over his outfit in a mirror, making sure his hat was on straight and that he had all the proper accessories on. He kept feeling like something was missing, or that something just didn't look right. After checking himself over for the third time, he realized that he had everything.

_So why do I feel like so much is missing?_

"Alright, everyone! Hurry up and finish! Are guests are due to arrive at any moment" Kyoya said, clapping his hands twice. He stood at the front of the room by the door, dressed as Will Turner. Hunny and Mori were dressed as Hector Barbossa and a younger, better-looking Master Gibbs. Kyoya reached for the knob to the door. "And remember; pirate talk only…unless you're character calls for other lingo!"

He threw the doors open and there stood a bunch of girls. They were instantly delighted by the sight of the room, which had been decorated to look like The Fountain, the scene of battle from the latest installment of _Pirates of the Caribbean. _

The girls squealed with flames of Moe forming around them.

"Welcome, ladies…" Kyoya purred to them.

_~~THE HOST CLUB IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS~~_

The girls were seated with their usual Hosts. Haruhi was with about five girls this morning.

"Oh, Haruhi," cooed one of them. "Yours and Tamaki's cosplay outfits match!"

"You look so cute as Angelica," added one of them.

"As pretty as a girl," sighed a third.

Haruhi chuckled nervously as she suddenly felt somebody drape their arms around her from the back of the couch. She smiled as she looked up to find her loving boyfriend standing there with his guests behind him.

"Ahoy, you," Tamaki cooed in his pirate voice.

"Tamaki? Not that I'm not happy to see you, but don't you have your own customers?" The Prince chuckled.

"That's what I came t' talk t' ye about! We should combine our guests, due t' our costumes!"

Haruhi giggled at her boyfriend's pirate talk. "Alright. Seems like a good idea!"

Tamaki gestured for his guests to sit with the other guests. He then sat down and put his arm around Haruhi's shoulders.

The guests started sighing happily as they watched the couple.

"You two are just so cute together," one of them commented.

"Yeah! It's so great that you two are so comfortable with your sexuality that you can show it in public," said another.

"And I'm glad that you're bi, so you can like both guys _and _girls!"

Tamaki felt all of his worries from earlier melt away with each comment. It always felt good when he was surrounded by people who cared about him.

Before either host could reply to their guests, a loud, high-pitched laughter pierced the air. A high-powered motor rumbled and up from below the floor came a platform. Atop that platform, was Renge, the Host Club's Self-Proclaimed manager. She, like the hosts, was cosplaying. She was dressed as Elizabeth Swann.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she giggled. "Our Haruhi has finally found someone to love!" She stepped down off the platform and walked over to Haruhi. Without hesitation, she shoved Tamaki to the other side of the couch and sat between them. "Of course, what makes it even better, is that he can still love us girls," She leaned in closer, so she could whisper in Haruhi's ear. "Hopefully, he'll be able to find love with someone…else. Someone who's not so…pathetic."

Tamaki heard that. It was like an arrow was shot through his heart. Though he knew that Renge never liked him from the start, he felt it was still quite uncalled for.

That little comment was all it took. He could feel his good mood draining, like water down the sink. Looking around at a couple of the girls who had giggled slightly at Renge's tactless comment, he suddenly felt the atmosphere of the room change. Those girls; did they hate him too? Did they think he was as pathetic as Renge was talking about?

His vision began to go blurry and he couldn't see straight anymore. The room seemed darker, putting him in a dream-like state of mind.

_Anxiety attack! _he concluded. In his mind, Renge's words and the giggles of those girls echoed. They got louder and louder.

Now Tamaki couldn't hear anything but the laughter anymore. He felt ready to faint or puke. He _wanted _to faint or puke! Anything to relive the stress. Anything to stop them from laughing…

The laughing voices seemed to double. There was about twenty of them at this point…all of them from young children…

…_stop laughing…just stop laughing at me…_

"_He's pathetic! What a loser!"_

_A ten year old Tamaki sat at his desk, trying not to look up at the faces of his nasty classmates. They had learned that morning what a bastard child is- a child born out of wedlock. Someone had piped up, "Hey, wouldn't that make Suoh a bastard?" and that's where the subject of their daily "Let's Make Tamaki's Life a Living Hell" schedule started. _

_The teacher had contained them for the time being. Now that the teacher had left the room for a few minutes, they had descended upon the poor blond boy like vultures. _

_Trying to turn his mind off to their cruel comments, he took out a book he'd brought from home and pretended he couldn't hear the others._

"_Why are you reading, Suoh?" one teased._

"_A better question would be, how _can_ he read? He's so stupid, he probably puts M&M's in ABC order!"_

_They all continued laughing again. There was just no escaping them. They wouldn't relent for a single moment._

"…_Tamaki?"_

A hand on his shoulder suddenly snapped him out his horrible memory and back to reality. "Tamaki? You ok?"

The laughter in his ears died down and the memory faded away. He glanced to the side of him to see his girlfriend staring at him, a concerned look on her face.

The guests were also staring at him, looking rather confused.

Renge was at the other side of the room, trying, unsuccessfully, to flirt with Kyoya. The Prince stared hatefully at her, his gaze burning through her.

"Tamaki? Are you alright?" one the guests anxiously asked. Tamaki tore his gaze from the other side of the room.

"Don't worry bout me, lasses," Tamaki said in his pirate talk. "Now, where were we?"

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><p>The last of the guest had finally left. The Hosts were changed back into their regular clothes, all except for Tamaki, who was taking his precious time. He dreaded the talk he was about to have with Hunny.<p>

Deciding not to delay the inevitable, he sighed, picked up his bag, and then, staring down at his feet, sheepishly walked over to Hunny, who was, as usual, enjoying a piece of cake with Mori sitting with him. This time, it was a slice of chocolate cake with a strawberry on top.

"Senpai?" The Loli-Boy looked up at him. "I…just want to apologize for last night…"

Hunny shoved a forkful of cake into his mouth. "That's ok, Tama-chan! You were just upset that your theme wasn't picked!" Crumbs spat out of his mouth, which Mori reached over to wipe away.

Without warning, Tamaki dropped his bag, reached over and hugged his Senpai. "Hunny! I really am sorry, though! It was so stupid and selfish of me!"

"Huh?" Hunny said, confused. Tamaki had never acted out like this before. Sure he'd always been a hugger, and concerned with others more than himself, but this was a little…strange…

"Tamaki. It's alright," Mori stated simply. The Prince let go of Hunny.

"I know…it's just…I'm sorry!"

Hunny smiled. "Now, come on, Tama-chan! How about we share some cake together?"

"Maybe tomorrow! I got to head home!"

"Ok then! Bye-bye Tama-chan!"

The Prince headed for door, a smile on his face. He could feel his good mood slowly returning. That was easier than he expected!

As he passed Kyoya on his laptop, he stopped on a dime and leaned over his friend's shoulder. "Hey, Kyoya. Wanna come over later on tonight?"

Kyoya sighed bitterly and looked up at him. "No."

"Oh. You swamped with work tonight?"

"No. It's just, you really have caused a lot of drama these fast few days. It's like you can't go a moment without having to whine about something." He pushed his glasses up and turned back to his computer. "Do me a favor, leave me alone for a day or two. I don't want to have to clean up after your antics again."

His mood plummeted once more and the prince rushed outside to his limo.

Haruhi, who had been watching this whole seen, walked over to the Shadow King. "Geez, Kyoya-Senpai. That was harsh."

Kyoya shrugged. "He'll get over it when he stops being a big baby."

He said this, completely unaware of the fact that Tamaki was currently in the back of his limo, resisting every urge to scratch.

_No…I'm not going to do this to myself anymore!_

However, as the car drove on, and his thoughts raged on. He couldn't help but replay what Kyoya had said. It was as if Hunny's forgiveness never happened.

_"It's like you can't go a moment without having to whine about something."_

_Maybe he's right…maybe I shouldn't be so concerned with myself…I'm such an idiot!_

Without realizing it, he reached down and began to scratch violently at his ankle.

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><p><strong>Hope you all liked it!<strong>

**Thank you to my reviewers:**

**RedBullet1998: LOL I updated :)**

**Bloodyrose23: Relax! I updated! ANd thanks!**

**x-OkamiTakuji-x: Thanks! ANd I know it would've been slower. Haruhi, granted is slightly OOC in this story, but hey...I"m trying :) And who wouldn't feel bad for Tamaki?**

**Ellahello2: Just did lol!**

**jokergirl4ever: I know right? But like I said, this is based on some true occurences, so it's gonna be up and down for poor Tamaki, just like it happened. ANd thanks for your patience :D**

**Miss Light Bright: I'll hopefully continue sooner next time, XD**

**Smile cuz ur beautiful : 0.0 um...a little morbid? lol**

**Giraffelover01: Thanks!**

**HOPE TO UPDATE SOON! 10 REVIEWS, PLEASE!**

**Until Next Time,**

**-NellieTodd**


	7. Chapter 7 Whats Another Night All Alone?

**Sorry for the lack of updates! And sorry for the kinda...BAD chapter...don't worry, I HAVE BETTER CHAPTERS COMING UP! SORRY THIS ONE SUCKS! REALLY BADLY!**

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><p>Tamaki sighed, relived to finally have some quiet time; it was finally Saturday.<p>

The week had caused so much stress and grief for him and he was glad it was over at last.

The only downside to the weekend was that he had nothing to do. For the past few hours, he had passed the time by playing his piano. He had played through every classical piece he had memorized and was now playing any random melodies that came to his head. After a while, that became a little tedious.

Putting his head down on the grand instrument in front of him, he realized how bored he truly was.

Out of ideas on how to keep himself entertained, he picked up his cell phone. The only person to call him over the weekend was Haruhi. He was puzzled by this; most days the Twins spammed his phone with stupid texts.

_Hey! That's an idea! I'll see what those doppelgangers are up to! _

He began to dial Hikaru's number. He didn't answer. Tamaki shrugged it off and dialed Kaoru's number. No answer there, either.

Before Tamaki could stop it, feelings of anxiety bubbled up inside him.

"Maybe…maybe they don't want to have me around…" he muttered out loud before slapping himself in the face. Frustrated with his own mind, he put his elbows on the piano and placed his head in his hands. "I've gotta focus! I can't let these thoughts take over my mind! Not again!"

But just as he expected, his anxiety took over. So many thoughts ran through his head; thoughts of being abandoned by everyone he loves, not being loved at all, and so on.

One thought led to another and Tamaki felt like he was falling down a black hole. He knew if he didn't find a way to relax his mind, he'd surely reach for the knife again.

He sat up and furiously began to play the piano, but his fingers just wouldn't stop shaking. He kept hitting the wrong keys, sometimes hitting two keys at once and found himself forgetting notes and skipping whole measures. The music seemed to have disappeared from his memory.

"Ok, this isn't a problem," he reasoned out loud. "Maybe I'll just…try another song! Yeah that's it!" He cracked his knuckles and prepared to play _Ave Maria. _This was a song he could play in his sleep.

He began to play without another thought- but it sounded completely wrong to him. Confused, he again played what he had just played. It still sounded off-key. He ran through it once more, twice more, three times more-it didn't sound right!

Just then, it clicked in his head. He had been playing in the key of F Major, instead of B Flat Major!

"Stupid!" exclaimed the frustrated prince, pulling at his hair and then slamming his fists on the piano. "_How _could I possibly forget that?"

Once more, he put his head down on the piano in frustration. He felt sick to his stomach for messing up like this. In fact, just the thought of this piano was making him incredibly sick! In the back of his mind, he had visions of just smashing the instrument with a hammer.

Yeah! If he did that, he wouldn't have to stress over it anymore! He wouldn't have to see it any longer!

Suddenly motivated by this new idea, he ran around his mansion to find himself a hammer.

Oh sure, he could've easily asked the servants to fetch him one, but this was something he felt he had to do all himself.

He ran straight to the first storage room he saw and threw open the door so forcefully, that when the doorknob bounced off the wall, it nearly made a hole.

But Tamaki could care less. He dug through mounds of stuff until- at last!-he found one! A twisted smirk crept across his face as he spun around to leave the room- only to find the doorway being blocked by his head housekeeper, Shima.

Shima appeared un-phased (as usual) at what Tamaki was doing. She had her lips pushed together in a thin line as she glared at the youth.

"Master Tamaki…" she began.

"Shima…" Tamaki replied.

"Master Tamaki, what in Heaven's name are you doing with that rusty old hammer in your hand?"

He sighed. Shima never beat around the bush. Averting her gaze, he shifted his eyes to the hammer and began to toy with it in his hands.

"I…was frusterated with the piano…so I was going to smash it."

"And why, might I ask, are you frusterated with an instrument?"

Tamaki's cheeks turned red. "I…couldn't play anything right…"

"So, you decide to punish the piano due to _your _bad playing? Does that seem like it makes sense?"

The prince sighed and placed the hammer back. "No Shima…it doesn't."

"Good. I'm glad you can think reasonably. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other things to attend to this afternoon. I suggest you find more constructive ways to manage your anger, Master Tamaki." She turned and walked down the hall.

Tamaki stumbled out of the closet and shut the door behind him, deciding to go upstairs and take a nap. Sleep, he remembered, usually defuses these moods of his.

On the way to the grand staircase, he caught sight of the piano. He took a moment to be thankful that it was still in one piece before making his way to his room.

Meanwhile, not too far away, the twins were enjoying a trip to the Commoners' supermarket with Haruhi….and by enjoy, this means they were taking turns sitting in a grocery cart while the other pushes it as fast as he can before jumping onto the back of the cart once it got halfway down the aisle.

Haruhi was minding her business picking out something for her and twins to have for dinner, when a sudden crash caused her to turn around.

"Spill; aisle ten," came an employee's voice over the loudspeaker.

A small crowd of shoppers had paused to take a look at the Hitachiin brothers. The two of them had run into a shelf of canned goods, knocking most of them to the floor.

"Hika, you klutz," Kaoru teased, trying to get out of the shopping cart. "Look what you did now!"

His brother laughed. "What _I _did? You were the one who kept kicking your legs and making me swerve!"

Haruhi shook her head and pretended not to know them as she picked out the meat for their dinner. After she had paid and collected her doppelganger friends, they began the walk home.

"Well that's the last time I take you two shopping…" she muttered under her breath.

"Oh, lighten up, Haruhi!" the twins said in unison.

"You just need to learn how to…" Hikaru continued.

"…laugh more!" Kaoru concluded.

She just sighed and kept walking ahead. The Twins shrugged and followed behind her until they got back to the apartment, where Haruhi went into the kitchen and the boys flopped down on the couch. Kaoru's phone fell out of his pocket when they did so.

"Huh, haven't checked this thing all day," he remarked as he flipped open the phone and saw the missed call from Tamaki.

"Better call him back," Hikaru said, settling in to his seat. His twin nodded and pressed the redial button.

The sound of his phone ringing woke him up. Groggily, Tamaki pulled his face from his pillow and glanced at the caller ID- it was Kaoru.

He felt a sudden jolt of excitement as he answered his phone. "Hey, Kaoru! Finally you answer! I've been bored all day! What have you and Hikaru been up to?"

"We've been with Haruhi all day," Kaoru explained.

"Can I come over as well?" Tamaki chirped.

"Lemme check, boss." Kaoru leaned away from the phone. "Hey, Haruhi! Your boyfriend wants to know if he could come over?"

The next voice Tamaki heard was Haruhi's. "He'll have to eat before he comes, because we only have enough for us three…"

"That's just fine," Tamaki interrupted. "In fact, I already ate!" His stomach twisted with the fact that he had just lied to his girlfriend, but he ignored it as best as he could, shouting, "I'll be over in a few! Bye!" before he hung up the phone.

Kaoru just stared at his phone, a little unsure of what to make of the phone conversation- if you could call it that- he had just had with Tamaki.

"So he's coming over?" Hikaru asked, annoyance evident in his tone of voice.

"Something the matter?" said his twin.

"I don't know…he's been acting kinda…weird lately, you know? Always fussing about hanging out a lot, always acting so hurt over the slightest thing someone else says or does to him. He's starting to get on my nerves."

"Eh, knowing Tamaki, he'll probably calm himself down within a week or so."

Haruhi called the twins to the kotatsu for dinner. The twins stood at the same time and made their way to the table.

"He'd better calm down," Hikaru breathed to his twin. "It's getting tough to be around him."

Tamaki, of course, was bouncing off the walls as he got ready. For once, he was invited to hang out! In his mind, he had thought it all out; they'll all have so much fun he'll get invited to hang out more often! There would be no more of him having to make all the plans, no sir!

His smile was bright as he bounded down the stairs, out the door and to the car.

_Tonight is gonna be fun!_

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><p>The next morning, Tamaki awoke on the bathroom floor. The bloody knife was again by his side. He picked it up with the hand that had the fresh cuts on the wrist below it and began to recall what had happened the night before.<p>

_"…so then by the time our parents got home, she had gotten so drunk from the alcohol Kao and I had slipped into her drink, that the security guards had to escort her out to keep from walking out the window!" Hikaru said with a smile on his face._

_ "Why would she do that?" Haruhi asked._

_ "She thought she somehow became a bird." The twins chorused. They both broke out laughing. Haruhi chuckled as well. _

_Tamaki was quiet. He was wracking his brain for a funny story to tell, but kept coming up with pointless stories. Tonight, it seemed like everything he said was pointless; no one was laughing at his jokes, or acknowledging most of what he said. It was silly to risk saying something else anyhow. Most of what had come out ofhis mouth was stupid and embarassing._

_ He also felt a little anxious to talk. However, whenever he tried to speak, he always managed to be interrupted. It also didn't help matters that Haruhi didn't want to cuddle at the moment. _

_ He stayed quiet for most of the time he was there, feeling like an unwelcome burden. In his mind, he berated himself for asking to come over. _

_ Feeling agitated, he left after only two and a half hours, went home and proceeded to grab the knife. _

He wrapped his wrist in the bandage, trying to not think about the details of the night before. All he knew was that and for the rest of the day, he just stayed in bed, feeling ashamed of being such a burden to his friends the night before.

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><p>Monday rolled around with no other incidents. Tamaki walked to the club meeting, feeling a little more confident.<p>

Haruhi had called him (out of concern) the night before. She had so badly wanted to ask why he had been so…so not himself…but in her mind, she just figured he had just been tired from an exhausting week, so she kept the question to herself as they talked.

Their talk had made him feel better; at least she didn't seem to mind his clinginess.

~~~~~_THE HOST CLUB IS NOW OPEN FOR BUSINESS~~~~~_

Kyoya clapped his hands twice. "Attention, everyone!" Everyone looked up, curious as to what he had to say. "Seeing as how the Cherry Blossoms are now in full bloom, we have decided that at the end of this week will be our annual dance. We have already rented out the largest ball room and the finest chefs from France are flying in. They shall be catering the affair."

Immediately, the room was filled with the excited chatter of the guests. They all chatted about what dress they ought to wear and what host to dance with!

"Tamaki, are you and Haruhi going to dance together?" cooed one of the guests.

"Are you two going to wear matching outfits?" asked another one.

"Please tell me you'll at least wear matching outfits! It would be so cute!"

Tamaki blushed as he tried hard to answer all of the guests' questions, while at the same time flirting with them and making _them _blush like he always did.

At one point, he glanced across the room to his beloved Haruhi, chatting with her guests over tea. She saw him staring at her and she smiled at him. He blew her a kiss.

The dance was on Friday. There would be no way he would let his anxiety mess this up!

After the Host Club had closed for the day, Haruhi walked over to her boyfriend.

"Hey, Tamaki, what would you say to dinner tonight?" She opened her bag and dug out coupons. "I know there's that little resturant in town that you love, and I happen to have coupons for it." Haruhi held out the coupons to him. Even though she knew that he was dirty rich, she couldn't help but feel like he'd been a little tense lately especially on Saturday night. She hoped that maybe her doing something sweet and out of the blue for him would help him feel better.

Tamaki looked at the coupons and gently pushed them away. "No need, Haruhi," he said. "I'll pay for it!" He whipped his credit card out of his pocket. "Really, it's no sweat at all!"

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><p>"Thanks for taking me out to dinner, Tamaki," Haruhi sighed as she sat down on her boyfriend's living room sofa. He took a seat next to her. They had just gotten back from a romantic dinner at one of his favorite commoner restaurants and it was already 9:00 at night.<p>

"It's no problem, my dear," he replied. Haruhi tried to hide the smile forming on her face. Sure it was flattering to have someone (she actually had interest in) call her sweet names like that, but relationships were still new to her. She was still questioning why she had given in and asked him out in the first place.

"So, my dad doesn't expect me home for another hour. What do you wanna do?" she questioned.

Tamaki gently leaned forward and kissed her lips. "It doesn't matter, as long as you are happy!" Haruhi leaned up and kissed him back, triggering him to kiss her a little more forcefully. This led to her falling onto her back.

The prince knew he had to contain himself; she had already made it clear she didn't want to do anything intimate before she was married. He respected that, and simply showed his affection by kissing her all over her face.

She giggled. "Tamaki, stop!" It was tickling her.

But of course, he refused to stop, so as a last resort, she began to tickle his sides. He stopped kissing her and fell into a giggle fit of his own. He fell onto his back on the couch and Haruhi teasingly pinned him down by the wrists.

He was so busy laughing, he didn't realize where her hands were, nor did he realize that his sleeve had pushed up a little. The white bandage poked out from underneath.

Haruhi felt the bandage and took her hand away. She flashed her boyfriend a puzzled look and then looked back at the bandage. "Tamaki? What's that?" Before he could respond she had pushed his sleeve back completely, revealing the blood-stained bandage wrapped around his wrist.

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><p><strong>Yeah. Again SORRY IF IT SUCKED! THIS ONE IS JUST MOVING SOME THINGS ALONG!<strong>

**REVIEW REPLIES:**

**Random: Thanks!**

**Miss Light Bright: Well, thanks. Lol this chapter might've lost SOME touch...**

**Just another reviewer: I do have something like that planned. stay tuned!**

**TheDanaDobreAKAToshiroLover: Lmfao! Kyoya can be a little tactless at times, can he?**

**meaganl124: Easy, when you upload the chapter to Document Manager, click on edit (EDT/DEL) and then there's a button that's just a straight line. Click where you need to put it in the story text and hit the button.**

**Jokergirl4ever: Well keep hoping. I'm not telling you what I have planned :D**

**just a reader: Thanks! And if you did faint, I hope you have revived XD**

**Nevie Nightmare: Thank you so much!**

**the-awesome-bee: Well, here it is!**

**Bloodyrose23: Here is the update! Thanks for being so suportive, btw!**

**The Dagdah's Priestess: Oh stop, you're making me blush :D**

**hanatchi: A lot of people have felt this way in some shape or form. My goal is to make Tamaki's story relatble to those people, and it seems I've made my goal!**

**DeathBySugarCube: I already, messaged you; I'm gonna publish a note about that!**

** : Please don't kill Kyoya- I kinda need him in later chapters!**

**DALIEN: It's quite alright to be a fangirl:) be proud of your fangirly-ness!**


	8. Chapter 8 I'm More Scarred than My Wrist

**Ok, REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER! I Hope this changes that!'**

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><p>CHAPTER 8:<p>

"Tamaki, what's that?" Haruhi questioned, running her hand gently over the bandage. Tamaki felt his blood run cold. How was he to tell her about his dark and painful nights alone with a sharp knife? The look on her face told him he didn't have to speak. She had already put two and two together. The silent moment seemed to last forever as Haruhi examined the bandage, decorated with red stains that told a very morbid and painful story. Her delicate fingers ran the length of the bandage and back again, thinking back on all the times she had felt her boyfriend was hiding something; all the times he had been acting strangely and overly-happy- too happy to be real.

Hot tears threatened to fall down Tamaki's cheeks. He knew that there was no way he was lying his way out of this at this point. But Haruhi didn't look shocked or hurt, just thoughtful. This was the one thing that bothered him about her- she was so hard to read. He grew nervous with each passing second that they were silent.

_What is she going to say? After what happened with her father, she must be ashamed of me for doing this! Oh god, I've gotta be ready for anything…even if that means…she's breaking up with me…_

"Tamaki," Haruhi spoke at last. "Is this what's been going on this whole time; why you've been acting so weird lately?" He opened his mouth to reply, but a knot in his throat prevented any noise other than a squeak. In the next moment, he'd pulled his arm back and had burst into to tears.

"Haruhi! I'm so sorry!" the prince sobbed, his body shaking with his sobs. He doubled over holding his scarred arm to his body, trying to hide his shame.

She placed a hand on his back. "Tamaki, please don't cry. Come on, sit up." Tamaki sat up, but he didn't look at Haruhi. He felt even more humiliated, breaking down in front of her after she had seen his darkest secret. She scooted closer to him, placing her arm around him. "And don't apologize. You don't have anything to apologize for."

He grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and dabbed at his eyes. "Yes I do," He drew in a shaky breath. "Didn't your dad do this to himself? didn't you say you found it wrong?"

"Well, yes, he did and yes I find it wrong, but only because it's not the solution. How long have you been doing this?"

He sniffled. "A year and a half…I've been depressed for about five. It's just…it's hasn't gotten this bad until now."

She took his hand in his and rubbed it gently. "I really wish you had told me sooner. I can't be your therapist, but I can talk you through the tougher times. don't be afraid to talk to me, alright?"

He nodded and then suddenly sprang forward and hugged her tightly. "You don't know how happy I am to here you say that, love! You're the first person who has really listened to me in the past few years!"

She kissed his cheek an returned the hug. "I'm always here for you, no matter what. But tomorrow, I want you to go see the school counselor. She might be able to help you a little more,"

"Ok, Haruhi. I'll go first thing when I get to school!"

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><p>The next morning, Tamaki sat in the counselor's office, wringing his hands, nervously. He had never spoken to her before. She sat behind a desk and had blond, frizzy hair. Her face appeared as if it was squashed between two rocks.<p>

"Now, Mr. Suoh, what's going on?" she asked.

Tamaki swallowed. "Well, my girlfriend….said I should see you…due to the fact that…I self-harm."

"I see. Well, Mr. Suoh, you know that that's not a way to deal with things. It's very bad."

"I know… do you think I might need to go on any medications?"

"No, I just think you need to learn how to manage your feelings. Try to repeat to yourself, 'cutting isn't the answer' like a mantra if you feel the need to cut. are we clear?"

"Yes, but-"

"Mr. Suoh, you really need to get to class, ok? Come and see me if this problem continues, ok?" With that, she ushered Tamaki out the door and closed it behind him. Tamaki shrugged and walked to class not feeling much better, if not worse.

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><p>As he walked into the Host Club room, Tamaki was careful to avoid bothering Kyoya.<p>

_He'll come around eventually. Won't he?_

He headed for the prep room, where Haruhi already was. She was eyeing the costume that she had to wear for the dance with a look of disapproval. Tamaki snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She jumped slightly.

"Oh hey, Tamaki!" she said giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Did you talk to the counsler like I suggested?" He nodded.

"She wasn't much help though, unfortunatly."

She sighed. "Ah well. At least you talked to someone. Now come on, let's get ready for this silly dance."

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><p>"I seriously am tired of you guys dressing me like this," Haruhi grumbled as the twins helped her don a long, flowing light pink ball gown. It had thin straps and sparkles all over it. She had a hair piece in that made her short hair look long. It was Friday night and the host club was getting ready for their party Tamaki was dressed in white.<p>

"Oh calm down, Haruhi," chimed the twins. They were wearing matching light blue suits.

"Haru-chan you look so pretty!" Hunny complimented from atop Mori's shoulders. The cousins both wore red suits.

"Alright everyone, enough idle chatter; the guests are waiting for us!" said Kyoya, clapping his hands together lightly. Kyoya was wearing a black suit and had styled his hair so that he looked like Sebastian.

"Boy, Sempai," Hikaru began

"The flames of Moe are gonna burn tonight…" finished Kaoru

Indeed they did. The guests went nuts over the Host club's outfits. Each lady got to dance with her favorite host. The hours went by quickly, and soon Tamaki even got to dance with his beloved Haruhi.

It felt like magic. Her hand in his felt like a perfect fit. When they danced it was like they were floating. Visions of white dresses and flowers and wedding bells dashed across his vision. He planned out everything in his head letting it all play out in a wonderful fantasy.

He could've danced all night. Eventually of course, they had to get back to their guests. Tamaki was flying high. This evening was perfect!

Well it was, until he heard one guest say, "Love you Haruhi!" Tamaki spun around to find Haruhi dancing with a brunette in a blue gown.

"Love you too!" replied Haruhi as they continued to dance.

Tamaki's heart thudded. Was Haruhi cheating on him? No….no of course not! she was just telling a guest that! It was a standard host gesture, right? He tried to think of a time he'd said that, but nothing came to mind.

He felt his stomach twist. nervously he ran to Mori, who was taking a break by the punch bowl.

"Mori, did you hear that?" he whispered harshly.

"No,"

"Haruhi just said she 'loves' that girl!"

"Tamaki. You're over reacting."

"Oh AM I?" He marched over to where Haruhi was; about to dance with her next guest. "Excuse me ladies, I just wanna borrow him for a moment."

"Tamaki, what are you doing?" Haruhi questioned.

"Why did you say "love you too" to that girl?" he snapped, a little too loudly. Some people looked over, but most just kept dancing.

"Tamaki, calm down!" she whispered " I was just being friendly! I'm _your _girlfriend and you need to chill the hell out!" she went back over to her guests. Tamaki's heart sank, feeling incredibly stupid.

Oh how he missed his knife right now...

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><p>"Tamaki, why did you do that?" Haruhi asked as gently as she could so as not to upset was the next day and they were in the limo heading off to dinner.<p>

His heart jumped; he knew he was in trouble. "Do what?"

Her face contorted with annoyment, but she swallowed it all; she couldn't risk hurting him again. "Accuse me of cheating on you."

Tamaki felt bad about that night, but he didn't want to say that. For some reason he suddenly felt angry; angry that she had even brought it up. "I never said you were cheating on me!" He raised his voice in anger. "Besides, even if I did, I could be right! You're around those drooling girls every single day, how do I know you're not cheating on me?"

Now it was Haruhi's turn to get mad. Her anger exploded out of her. "Number one, I'm straight! Number two, I'm loyal, number three...ugh! You know, sometimes your stupidity gets me so mad, it-" She stopped when she saw the look in his eyes. It didn't give her any pleasant thoughts about what he was thinking. Afraid that he'd hurt himself, she lowered her voice and softened her expression. "Tamaki, I'm so sorry! Please don't hurt yourself again!"

Tamaki leaned foward and hugged her. "Don't worry...I won't...as long as you still love me? Even though I'm an idiot?"

She hugged back. "I'm sorry I said that; you're not. And of course I still love you! I just don't want you to hurt yourself again!"

He squeezed her and a tear rolled down his cheek. "You're the only thing that keeps me alive sometimes, you know?" A tear rolled down her cheek as well, but for a different reason.

_Dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into?_

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><p>"Hey my dear, how is it going?" Tamaki asked, bending over the back of the couch. It was a couple of weeks after the whole incident at the dance, as well as the limo ride and Haruhi was with her guests. Tamaki of course had guests of his own, but he wanted to check in with his girlfriend and make sure everything was ok. she had responded in one worded-texts all weekend and he had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that something bad was about to happen.<p>

"Hey, Tamaki. Can I see you in the prep room for a moment? I just want to talk about something." Haruhi said. Tamaki's stomach flipped nervously.

"Alrighty!" He still smiled. He looked at the ladies waiting for him on the couch. "Be back in a moment, my darlings!" The girls all blushed and Tamaki followed his girlfriend into the prep room.

She closed the door and looked at him. She seemed nervous. "Tamaki," she began, her voice trembling. she had thought this over for the past few weeks, but still wasn't totally prepared to do this. "Look, we've been dating a for a couple weeks…" Tamaki's stomach tightened, he didn't like where this was going. "And well, I think you need time to just focus on you and your healing. I think it's time to go back to being friends…"

That did it. Tamaki broke down in tears, throwing himself to the floor. "Is this because of what happened at the party?" he squeaked

"Well, in a way…I mean what happened showed me you need a little time to work on you, and-" she began. He flung himself onto the floor in hopeless tears.

The rest of the time was a blur to Tamaki. He vaguely remembered everyone rushing in and the twins helping him up while Hunny told Haruhi he'd give her a ride home. Kyoya dismissed the guests for the day and promised to resume as soon as possible.

That was all he heard. The room was spinning and Tamaki's whole body went numb from shock. He couldn't speak and couldn't move. He felt as if he were trapped in a bad nightmare. His vision began to go blurry. He couldn't hear anything. The next thing he knew, Tamaki was waking up in bed with a cold compress on his head.

He sat up in bed, confused. Quickly, he grabbed his cell phone from his bedside table and checked the date- he had been in bed for the past two days apparently!

Suddenly everything came flooding back to him; the dance, the mistake he'd made, the breakup.

He didn't want to think anymore. He _couldn't _think anymore. There was no way for him to live like this. He got out of bed and ran for his bathroom. With a shaking hand he flung open the medicine cabinet and fished out a bottle of sleeping pills he'd stashed away for this purpose. Without hesitation, he opened the bottle, dumped a whole bunch into his mouth and lay down on the floor, ready to die.

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><p><strong>AGAIN, SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED AND SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKS ASS!<strong>

**REVIEW PEOPLE. I SHALL BE GETTING BACK TO PERSONAL REPLIES NEXT CHAPTER! WHICH WILL COME SOONER!**

**-NellieTodd**


	9. Chapter 9 Laying on the Bathroom Floor

**READ THE NOTE I PROVIDED AT THE BOTTOM, PEOPLE!**

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><p>The first thing he felt was a massive pain in his stomach. Soon he felt a lump moving to his throat and his eyes shot open knowing what that meant. Tamaki leaned over the toilet and threw up anything he had eaten in the past few hours.<p>

He felt dizzy and tried to remember what happened. It suddenly hit him- he had actually tried to commit suicide!

The prince looked at himself in the mirror, wiping away the gross vomit that had gathered at the corner of his mouth. Had he really gotten that bad? Had he really swallowed all of those pills?

"I got lucky…" he whispered to himself. "Alright, just don't tell anyone about this and it will go away. I think I can handle myself from here…that was pretty stupid of me to do, I mean it was _just_ a break up, wasn't it?" He picked up the half empty pill bottle and flushed the remainder down the toilet. "I can get through this…I can and will get better."

In the back of his mind, a little voice of reason asked, "Yes, but how long will this 'recovery' last?"

And in truth, Tamaki had absolutely no idea how long it would last- or if it would last at all.

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><p><strong>A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR<strong>

**This was just a filler chapter to let you know Tamaki survived and that I'm still alive and writing. This is my senior year and a lot of shit has been going on with me that has kept me from writing; New doctors, new meds, breakups, finding my center balance and giving up certain…painful habits…But now I'm back and I can focus a lot more on my writing. Expect a chapter within the next two weeks.**

**I promise. **

**Thanks for your patience!**

**-NellieTodd**


	10. Chapter 10 Facade

**So this chapter is about four pages long. Shorter than my others, I know, but I've gotta save some of the action for the later chapters! Trust me, the next one is totally worth it!**

**And can I get some more reviews, please? It would be much appriciated!**

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><p>"Kyoya!" Tamaki looked his friend straight in the eye. It was the next day and he felt ready to change. "I did a lot of thinking last night and I've decided I need to change!"<p>

Kyoya cracked a half-smile like he usually would. "Well that's good to hear; it certainly is a step in the right direction."

"Yup! I need to stop doing a lot of things and causing so much drama!"

"I couldn't agree more. Though I highly doubt you'll get Haruhi back by doing this, I think we'll all appreciate a change in-"

Tamaki's heart skipped. Did Kyoya know the main reason for his change? What else did he know? Did he somehow find out about his suicide attempt? "How…how did you know I want to get her back?"

"Um, Senpai?" came a voice from behind him. That voice belonged to Haruhi.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki's heart began to pound out of his chest. God, she was still just as beautiful to him. She looked up at him, a look of pure annoyance on her face. "H-how much have you heard?"

"Enough," she said. "Look, Kyoya-Senpai, may I have a word alone with Tamaki, please?"

Kyoya bit his lip. Even though he got upset at how Tamaki could easily stir up drama, he was concerned about how his friend would react to her, given how he had reacted to the breakup. "Do you think that's a good idea, Haruhi?"

"Look, it'll just take a second. You can wait around the corner or something; he'll be there in a moment." The shadow king huffed, giving in; he hated that Haruhi was so adamant, but he respected it at the same time. He walked down the hall and around the corner. Secretly he watched the two of them.

"Haruhi I-"Tamaki began. She cut him off.

"Tamaki-Senpai," The fact that she was calling him "Senpai" again really stung him. "I want to make this quick and painless…for both of us."

He was confused. "Both of us?"

"Yeah, believe me, this hurts me as well." She spoke with an even tone, though it was obvious to him that she was struggling to keep that tone. She wasn't lying. "But we aren't getting back together. I'm sorry. We can still be friends, though. I want to be."

Tears rolled down Tamaki's cheeks. "B-but why?" His voice caught up in the knot in his throat.

"It's like I said, Senpai. It's best for now that you focus on healing, and I need to focus on my studies. I really am sorry, but we're not getting back together. And the friendship won't work if you try to."

Tamaki felt sick to his stomach. He nodded to Haruhi and then walked down the hallway towards Kyoya.

"You going to be ok, Tamaki?" Kyoya asked once he saw the look on the blond's face.

Tamaki swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah. I'll be ok."

Kyoya smiled. "That's the spirit." He smiled and walked away. Tamaki waited until his friend was gone before running to the bathroom and throwing up from the stress.

_This isn't working out. _He thought. _I'm going to actually need some help to get better._

There was only one thing he could think of to do. He cleaned himself up and headed to the counselor's office.

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><p>"Well Mr. Suoh, are we going to go through that again?" The school counselor asked as she tied her frizzy blond hair in a ponytail. Tamaki was back in her office- he had just told her about his suicide attempt.<p>

_Suicide attempt. _

He cringed at the words. He felt so unimaginably dirty at the thought of them. He felt humiliated. Even when he stepped outside he felt like the whole knew that he had attempted- and that they knew the reason he had attempted. It was like it was written on his forehead: "I Was Dumped and then Tried to Off Myself." Knowing he couldn't tell his friends how he felt (them calling him a drama queen would make things a lot worse) he was trying, once again to get help from the school's counselor, although a conversation with her was as helpful as a hit to the nuts.

He sighed. "No I really don't want to." The prince nervously looked down at his lap and twiddled his thumbs. Something about this woman made him feel completely uneasy in her presence.

"You know I'm going to have to call your father, right?" she said, her tone was one that someone would use to speak to a child.

He glanced up at her. "Do you have to?" though he already knew the answer, he asked. His stomach was filling with dread at the prospect of having his father know about what had happened.

"Of course he does! He needs to know. It's part of my job to tell him if you hurt yourself or intend on hurting yourself."

Tamaki felt a chill go through his spine when she mentioned hurting himself. She hadn't asked how he was doing with the cutting. Frankly, he didn't want to tell her.

When he left her office to go back to class, he oddly enough felt angry. He knew it was unnecessary to be so angry, but from the way that woman had talked down to him, it made him madder and madder with each second he spent thinking about it.

It didn't matter anymore as to why. He'd only been trying to be happy for one day and she'd already ruined it. He realized he'd have to put up a front in front of his friends and pretend like he was better.

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><p>"Wow, Tamaki, you seem really cheery today!" complemented one of his guests.<p>

It was true; he had had a big smile on his face the whole day.

"Yeah!" said another guest. "We thought for sure you would've been sad today!" The prince smiled once more, even though he was crying inside. His gaze every so often fell on the other side of the room where Haruhi was sitting.

It stung his heart knowing that it was his "bullshit problems" and "drama" that had caused their breakup. If only she could see how much he'd decided to change.

He turned back to his customers. "How could frown when I'm around such beautiful ladies. You three have eyes that shine like raindrops on beautiful flowers in early spring time!"

The girls sighed, hearts of Moe in their eyes. Across the room, Haruhi brought the tea over to her customers. She sat down and began to chat with the girls, her natural smile making them feel all fuzzy and warm. The prince missed the way that smile made him feel whenever she gave him one.

Tamaki looked back at his guests and smiled once more, blinking away the tears forming in his eyes.

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><p>"Mori-Senpai, who's that with Haruhi?" It was about a month after the dramatic breakup and Haruhi had just walked into the Host Club room, a young man carrying her books for her.<p>

"His name is Sato Hideki. He's new." said Mori before Hunny came running over, Usa-chan in his arms.

"He's Haru-chan's new boyfriend!" A shock went up and down Tamaki's spine.

"He's bisexual and transferred here from an academy Tokyo when his family moved closer to here. His father owns a small, yet much favored law firm." Kyoya said, not looking up from his laptop. The Shadow King sat at a nearby table not looking up. He had decided to let go Tamaki's previous antics and understood that the break up would take a little time to get over, but Tamaki still needed to move on.

"Don't he and Haru-chan look cute together?" Hunny asked.

"How long have they been together?" Tamaki asked, the impending answer felt like a knife ready to stab him in the chest.

"Since this weekend." Hikaru answered.

"We hung out with them last night. They're basically made for each other!" Kaoru added.

That really twisted the knife. Tamaki looked over at the couple chatting on the couch. He held back tears as Hideki gave Haruhi a peck on the cheek. "Yeah…they look….adorable…"

His legs shook beneath him and he was ready to bolt to the closest bathroom and make a quick cut. But he gritted his teeth and scolded himself inwardly for even thinking about doing that.

Later that day, when he got home, he laid in bed with his favorite CD playing on a nearby boom box. He had been doing this after school for the past week, despite fooling everyone with a cheerful disposition.

He felt paralyzed as the full extent of things really hit him; someone he truly loved had broken his heart.

No she hadn't she'd shattered his heart.

He didn't hate her for it though; he didn't _want _to hate her for it. He understood and respected why she had done it, but that didn't make the hurt any less.

His head spun. He really wanted to cut right now.

But he knew he couldn't; he'd been controlling himself for a month now. (It helped that his father, after receiving the call from the counselor, had made a visit to the estate and made sure all the knives and sharp things were locked away and saw to it that the servants guarded them.) and he couldn't break that now.

But at the same time, he needed a release; some way of escape from the pain…

He rolled up his shirt sleeve and put his nails to his scarred wrist, ready to scratch.

That's when suddenly, an idea struck him. He was going to show Haruhi how self-controlled he truly was. His idea was simple, yet brilliant…

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><p>"A double date?" Haruhi raised her eyebrow at the young Suoh. "Senpai, are you sure that that's a good idea? I mean, after what's been happening with you and all, you seem too stressed for it to happen right now."<p>

Tamaki froze. "What are you talking about? I've been really happy lately!"

Haruhi still was skeptical. "Be that as it may, maybe it's too soon…"

"Yeah besides, who are you dating, Suoh?" Hideki chimed in. "I haven't seen you with anyone.

That was true, Tamaki realized. He hadn't even thought of being with someone else when he and Haruhi broke up.

"Um, I want to be a surprise?" he said, a fake smile on his face. Haruhi and Hideki exchanged glances that suggested they really didn't believe him.

Before Tamaki could say another word, Kyoya closed his laptop and clapped his hands. "Alright everyone, our guests should be arriving any minute now.

"Oh, perhaps I should go then," Hideki said, standing up.

"No, that's ok, Sato-san." said Kyoya. "Maybe you'll want to join the Host club after seeing us in action?"

Before Tamaki knew what he was doing, he blurted out. "Yeah! Join us! It's a lot of fun!"

He had no idea what he was doing. It just came right out of him. "So is that a yes? Will you guys go on the double date?"

Haruhi and Hideki exchanged glances, completely unsure. They looked back at the prince.

"Sure, Suoh," said Hideki. "We'll go on the double date."

Tamaki felt so uplifted at hearing that.

But the euphoria was gone the moment he remembered one important detail- he didn't have a secret girlfriend. He needed a date.

As he watched the guests walk in and his first appointment sat down in front of him, he then knew where to get one.

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><p><strong>Uh oh. What's our Host Club King going to do next?<strong>

**I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing last chapter:**

**Checkerz**

**1fallenangel7**

**Grace**

**wolfgirl33669**

**Miss Light Bright**

**xxSimplyMagicXx**

**I'd like some more reviews please! I want between 15 and 20 before my next chapter! It helps motivate me to write more!**


	11. Chapter 11 All Alone, the Way He Feels

**I real shouldn't be updating...you guys fel short of the ammount of reviews I wanted...**

**I'm serious this time. 15 to 20 or I will NOT update anytime soon.**

**I'm not mean I just need the encouragement sometimes to keep writing. **

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><p>"A date?" the young girl sitting across from Tamaki blushed. She was a beautiful, but naïve first year named Miyuki. Her hair was shoulder length black-brown and she wore a small braid on the right side of her heart-shaped face.<p>

"Yes, my dear." Tamaki wooed her in his usual seductive tone, cupping her chin. "I've had my eyes on you from afar from the day you first set foot in here."

Now Tamaki knew that it was wrong to lie-

_But this isn't lying, is it? No, it's exaggerating. I do like her…right?_

But he wasn't so sure about that. At that moment, Tamaki wasn't so sure of anything.

Miyuki was shocked. "Tamaki…I…I can't believe you would ask me out, I-"

He shushed her. "Hush my princess. We wouldn't want the others to be jealous now would we?" Without realizing it, his eyes flickered in Haruhi's direction. Miyuki, noticing this, smiled slightly and blushed.

"But Tamaki, isn't it too soon for you? I mean your poor heart must still be healing from…you know…" The prince struck a dramatic pose, placing the back of his hand to his forehead and sighed.

"It is true, my darling, my heart is still healing from what could only be described as a bullet wound!" He took her hand in both of his. "But you are the nurse that can save me from bleeding to death. Oh, my princess, will you help me?"

Miyuki's face was positively pink. "Oh Tamaki! Yes! I will go out with you!"

"Then it's a date! How does tonight at around seven sound to you?"

"Perfect!"

The prince smiled, feeling his spirits lift. Maybe he wasn't kidding himself; maybe things might work out with this girl after all.

Later, once the host club guests had cleared out, he sauntered over to where Haruhi and Hideki were sitting. All his words seemed to tumble out at once. "So guys? That double date? How does tonight at seven sound? I'll pay for everything and we meet at that new fancy restaurant?"

Haruhi and Hideki glanced at each other, exchanging puzzled looks. Tamaki tensed and his heart pounded.

_Did I come on too strong? _

They looked back at him. "Sure Senpai." Haruhi said.

Tamaki grinned, his heartbeat settling down.

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><p>That evening, Tamaki was standing squarely in front of a mirror, adjusting his tie. He was meeting with Miyuki, Haruhi and Hideki at a fancy restaurant (he had even volunteered to pay for it all.) and was making sure he looked absolutely perfect for Haruhi-<p>

He smacked his palm to his face. "Miyuki!" His voice echoed throughout the room. "Miyuki! Miyuki! Miyuki!" Slowly, he faced his refection in the mirror. "You like Miyuki! Not Haruhi, Miyuki!"

There was a knock at his bedroom door. "Master? The car is ready for you." said one of the servants.

Tamaki got on his suit jacket. "Thank you. I'll be right out."

"Very well, master." The prince looked himself over one last time before adding a dash of his brand new cologne. It was imported from France. He figured his date would like it.

At least she hoped she would. After Haruhi dumping him, he was a little unsure about his dating skills.

After making sure both of his wrists were completely and properly covered, he grabbed hold of a bouquet of flowers and made his way out to the car.

When the car pulled up at Miyuki's house, he adjusted his tie, grabbed the flowers, made his way to her front door and rang the bell.

She must've been waiting because she answered the door instead of one of the maids. Miyuki was wearing a gorgeous indigo evening gown and her hair was done up in a simple, yet beautiful fashion. She also wore a pair of three inch black sparkly heals.

"Wow Miyuki, you look so lovely tonight!" Tamaki said awe struck.

"I look lovely…just tonight?" Miyuki asked. Tamaki quickly handed her the flowers.

'I…I didn't mean _just _tonight, you look lovely all the time-" She began to laugh as she accepted the flowers.

"I was just teasing! Don't worry!" He looked confused for a moment and then began to laugh as well. He then took her hand and lead her down the front steps and out to his car.

In ten minutes they were inside the restaurant, waiting for Haruhi and Hideki to show up. As expected, Tamaki was worrying inwardly the whole time they waited.

_What if they don't show up? Oh god, then I don't think I'd be able to handle this alone. I like her, but I wouldn't know what to say to her! I hope they get here soon!_

Sure enough, he was worried for nothing. Hideki and Haruhi arrived only five minutes later.

"Hey, sorry we're a little late," Hideki said, taking Haruhi's coat for her. She then sniffed the air. "Senpai? Are you wearing cologne?"

"Ah, so you noticed!" he exclaimed. Miyuki got an irritated look on her face. Tamaki turned to her. "Don't worry, my darling. You know I only wore it for you!"

The Maitre'D came over, lead them to their table and handed out the menus.

It was awkwardly quiet for the next few minutes as the four of them looked over the menus. At one point, Tamaki lowered his menu and peaked at Haruhi as she picked her dinner. Once they all knew what they wanted, it was still awkwardly silent for a little while.

Haruhi was hoping Tamaki wouldn't try to flirt with her. Hideki was hoping Haruhi wouldn't dump him for Tamaki. Miyuki was clinging happily to Tamaki, who was hoping everything went well.

"So…how long have you two been together?" Hideki asked.

"Oh a couple of weeks. We've kept on the 'down-low' as the commoners say!" Tamaki smoothly answered. He hated lying but he wanted to show Haruhi he was doing well now.

Miyuki looked confused. "But Tamaki, we haven't been dating that long-"

"I know it feels that way my dear." Tamaki crooned, cupping her chin as he had done back at the Host Club meeting. "Time flies so fast when all my attention is on such a lovely woman."

Miyuki blushed and decided to go with it.

"That's cool," said Hideki. "Haruhi and I have tried to keep it on the 'down low' as well, but it seems like word spreads pretty fast in this school, huh?" He chuckled.

A couple of minutes later, their appetizers came. They each had ordered a salad.

Haruhi picked up her fork. "Oh wow! Look how many peppers they put in this!"

Tamaki looked up from his salad. "You like peppers, Haruhi?"

"Yeah. One of the recipes my mother left me was her favorite pepper steak recipe!"

"Would you like my peppers Haruhi?" he asked a little too loudly.

"Um, sure, Senpai. That'd be cool, I guess." Tamaki immediately began putting peppers on Haruhi's plate.

Miyuki cleared her throat. "I like peppers too, Tamaki." The prince froze for a second and then hurriedly gave the rest of his peppers to Miyuki.

"Oh there goes an elderly couple." Tamaki said, changing the subject. "Hey Haruhi you remember when we were dating and we were kissing inside my limo and that old couple walked by and decided to peak in the window?" She put her face in her hands and Tamaki immediately regretted saying that.

Hideki put his hand on Haruhi's back. "Hey that is pretty funny, but you know what else is funny? This one time one of the servants lost his glasses and he mistook a lamp for my mother…"

Tamaki zoned out and looked at Haruhi. The date had just begun and had already gone askew; his fault entirely. He was focusing too much on Haruhi.

_This is ridiculous. I'm with Miyuki now; I should be paying attention to her!_

But he found it was tough to focus on his date. Haruhi was the focus of his attention. To him, she was a gift from God that had been snatched away and replaced with a horrible curse. It was like her very presence was mocking him; dangling something he couldn't have right in front of his face.

"…long story short, we never did get that banana and peanut butter stain out of the carpet!" Hideki concluded his story.

A little while later, the meals came and everyone was silent once more as they ate. A few minutes into the meal, Hideki put a strand of his Linguine into his mouth and enticed Haruhi to imitate Lady and the Tramp.

Seeing this, Tamaki immediately grabbed a strand off of Hideki's plate (much to Hideki's disgust.) and proceeded to raise his eyebrows at Miyuki, trying to get her to do the same.

Miyuki was a little weirded out that he had grabbed from Hideki's plate, but nonetheless, joined the host in imitating the movie scene.

For the next twenty minutes, while Hideki, Haruhi and Miyuki talked, Tamaki was pretty quiet, trying to figure out exactly the right thing to say; something that would make Haruhi remember some more of the good times they had had together.

Suddenly he remembered something that he and she had laughed about quite a lot. It was a weird memory, but it always brought a smile to his face and for that moment he was sure it would bring a smile to hers as well. Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "Hey Haruhi, you remember the time I came to your apartment to pick you up and you stepped out of the bathroom in your robe after your shower? That was hilarious!" He laughed until he realized everyone was staring at him. He put his hand to his face. _Why me?_ _Why am I so stupid?_ "I'm sorry for bringing that up, Haruhi…" His face turned red as a tomato.

She chuckled. "It's ok, Senpai. I mean, it's not like we're gonna date again, right? So it's cool to reminisce a little bit and have a few laughs. " Haruhi didn't mean to offend him, but it did. It felt as if lightening had struck him. With that comment, the urge to self-harm was back with a vengeance. To avoid scratching, he began to pay with the table cloth.

"Senpai?" Haruhi questioned. "Is something wrong?"

"His eyes opened wide for a nervous second before he cracked a fake smile. "No…no, I'm fine!.

He needed to get out of there. He needed to scratch. "I've…I've got to go to the bathroom! I-I'll be right back! He stood up quickly and began to make a mad dash for the bathroom. However, as he got up, he had forgotten to let go of the table cloth. He realized it too late and he ended up pulling all of the food off the table. Most of it ended up on the floor, but Miyuki's dish ended up in her lap. "Oh my god, let me help you!" he cried. Turning around to help her, he slipped in the food on the floor. In his haste, Tamaki tried using the table for support when he stood back up, but the table wasn't meant to hold all weight on one side and he ended up tipping the table over onto its side.

The whole restaurant went quiet and stared at him. Tamaki felt like the biggest fool in the world.

_You idiot! Now look what you've done!_

Tamaki tentatively looked up from the floor at Miyuki to Haruhi and Hideki and back again.

Miyuki stepped forward. "Tamaki what is wrong with you? You've been acting weird ever since we got here!"

"Not to mention the fact that you've been acting weird when talking to me!" Haruhi added.

Realization crossed Miyuki's face. "That's right! Now that I think about it, you've been focused on nothing but Haruhi! Was this all just to try to get him jealous?" Tamaki was frozen on the floor as Miyuki's face turned red with fury. "I respect your bisexuality, but not if you're going to use me to try to get him back!"

Tamaki felt a lump in his throat. He stuttered, " I…I…"

"Tamaki, you idiot!" She burst into tears and ran for the door.

"I got her!" Hideki called over his shoulder as he chased after poor Miyuki, trying to prevent her from running too far.

Haruhi looked at Tamaki. He jumped. She simply shook her head sadly. "I'm not mad at you, Senpai." she said. "But I do think you need to get yourself some help."

A couple of awkwardly silent minutes later, (as a shaking Tamaki helped the waiters clean up the mess.)Hideki lead Miyuki back into the restaurant. They and Haruhi collected their things; Miyuki slapped Tamaki across the face once more, and the three of them went to hail a cab.

Tamaki stumbled out of the restaurant a little later and sat on the curb in sadness and defeat. He hadn't even called his driver to come pick him up yet. He began to reflect on the evening and what had happened; maybe he had really intended to get Haruhi jealous all along…

Suddenly, at that very thought, he felt really mad. Inexplicably mad. Raging mad. Mad at himself for asking Miyuki out when she was just a rebound. Mad at himself for hurting her while trying to get Haruhi back. Mad at himself for even trying.

Standing up and beginning to walk away from the restaurant, he began to think about all the other things he'd done; hurting Hunny, causing Haruhi's sprained wrist, (even though it had healed a couple of weeks ago); his mere existence put his family name to shame and he hated himself for it. _Hated _himself!

His vision turned red. All he could see was red. It was like a curtain of red had come down over his vision. When it disappeared, a patch of raw skin on his arm was bleeding.

_Great! Another stupid thing I've done!_

Tamaki sat down on the curb once more and began to cry into his hands. His emotions were out of control; that was for sure.

Suddenly he heard wild laughter from the shops behind him and he stood up and turned around to find its source. He had strayed into an unfamiliar part of town and he now sat on the curb in front of a bar.

Now he had heard all sorts of horror stories about drinking, but he had also heard that there were some upsides to it as well.

"_It just makes your problems go away!" _He suddenly heard the voice of one of his nannies echo in his mind. He had been seven years old at the time and this nanny always seemed a little drunk. She loved to tell Tamaki bar stories ad he would always listen intently, for he was at that age where anything with action was interesting. Eventually she was caught doing this by one of the maids and was fired shortly afterwards for teaching little Tamaki about booze and coming to work drunk.

Coming out of his flashback, he said out loud to himself "What the hell; why not?" He pulled a fifty dollar bill from his wallet slipped it into the bouncer's hand as he walked inside the bar.

* * *

><p>"Kaoru, I'm getting a little bored of this game," Hikaru complained, putting down his controller. It was Sunday afternoon at the Hitachiin mansion and the brothers had been up since early that morning playing against each other in one of their favorite videogames.<p>

Kaoru put down his controller as well. "Yeah, I was getting a little bored of it too. Wanna play something else?"  
>"Nah, I'm kind of sick of video games right now. Wanna call Haruhi and see if she's up to hanging out or something?"<p>

"It's Sunday. She's probably still at the Commoner's Supermarket right now. Or at home doing chores."

"You're probably right, Kao." Hikaru got up and began to turn off the video game system.

"Besides that, after you went to bed last night, I was talking with Kyoya –Senpai and he told me that her date on Friday night didn't go too well either, so I doubt that she'd want to do anything anyhow. She's probably still a little steamed."

Hikaru turned around. "Is everything ok between her and Hideki?"

"Well yeah, but you see, the boss had insisted on a double date, and-"

"Oh, no. Don't tell me. His self-centered thinking messed thing up again?"

Kaoru couldn't believe his brother had just said that. "What are you talking about, Hikaru? You're sounding like Kyoya-Senpai!"

Hikaru stood up. "Are you blind, Kaoru? The boss has been acting like he's the center of the universe for the longest time now! I can tell you right now it's just to get attention- as if being in the club doesn't give him enough!" His face was getting red with anger as he began to pace the floor. "And speaking of the club, I've just about had it with being there!"

Kaoru jumped up and tried to calm down his "older" brother. "Hikaru, calm down! This is ridiculous! You know he hasn't been 'alright' lately, and it doesn't help matters to be angry like this. Hikaru was about to say something, but decided to sit down on the couch instead. Kaoru sat down next to him, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder.

The elder twin sighed, trying to calm himself. "He used to think of others, as well as himself. But now he's always 'depressed' and can only think of himself. I guess I just miss the Tamaki that cared." He used air quotes around the word, depressed.

"Why did you say depressed like that?"

"Because I don't believe he really is depressed. He for some reason or another thinks he needs more attention and so he pulls this act of being depressed."

The two were silent for a moment until Kaoru suddenly remembered something. "Don't you remember that time that he called us crying and thinking about hurting himself? How he sounded like he was in terrible pain and you remember how we felt so helpless and upset because he was hurting?

Hikaru thought back to that day.

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><p><em>It was a beautiful day that past summer when suddenly Hikaru's phone rang. The caller ID said "Tamaki." <em>

"_What do you think he wants?" asked Hikaru._

"_He probably has some interesting plans for the weekend," answered Kaoru._

"_I'm sure it's better than the nothing we planned to do." Hikaru pressed the "accept call" button. "Hello?"_

_There was crying on the other end of the line and it took a moment before Tamaki could speak. _

"_Boss, are you ok?" asked Hikaru. Kaoru flashed him a puzzled look and Hikaru put the phone on speaker. They both leaned in and listened._

"_G-guys?" Have you ever suddenly just felt so..i don't know…alone in the world?"_

_The twins were confused. "What are you talking about, boss?" asked Kaoru. Tamaki sobbed loudly a couple more times before he was able to respond._

"_I don't know. I just don't know. I just suddenly have this weird feeling that no one really cares!" _

"_But we care about you," Hikaru said._

"_I-I I know…but I just have this weird feeling that…man it's pretty scary…"_

"_Boss? Are you going to be ok?" both twins said. Kaoru's stomach twisted up in nervous knots. _

"_I…don't know…I've just been having this feeling for weeks and it's been increasing. I feel an odd urge to…do things…"_

_The twins didn't want to know what he was talking about doing. "Hey boss, how about you come over for a little while. Maybe you can calm down that way?" they chorused. _

_Sure enough, Tamaki was able to push those feeling away after being with the twins for a few hours. But little did any of them know this was just the beginning of a cornucopia of issues._

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><p>"How could I forget?" Hikaru mumbled. Kaoru pulled his twin close to him.<p>

"Look, Hika. Tono is going through some rough times at the moment and he needs some time to feel better. I think he really may be depressed and that takes time to get over. Give him a chance to, ok?"

The older twin sighed and leaned his head on his brother's shoulder. "Ok, Kao."

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><p><strong>Phew this chapter was a little tough to write. anyhow onto review replies! (crowd goes wild)<strong>

AudreyTucker0001: I hope so too

: What's a shame?

Bloodyrose23: Same here!

wolfgirl336699: Only I know, young grasshopper. Only I know. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

JustJolola: Well I'm glad you read it :) and thank you! And I know, right? Kyoya's just being a big meany-butt.

Grace: No problem :D I'm trying to mention people who review! Thanks for reading!

AiLeiben: Thanks sooooo much! I hope I continue doing a great job!

HidingBehindMyMask: Lol That'd be cool! I really shouldn't be posting but I figured you'd all want the next chapter anyhow.

Miss Light Bright: Me neither.

Checkerz: Well surprise :D I'm not really sure how his dad is supposed to act. He doesn't really show up much in the anime, so I just kinda go with how I see how he'd be: caring but sort of inattentive at the same time.

eliissexy: Yeah I know he was. You'll see why at the end of the story.

mangagurlz: Updating!

EmMarie96: Nice job! and yes I am updating!


	12. Chapter 12 I'm Gonna Drink My Money

**I am SOOOOO sorry for the lack of updating! AP exams really threw me off my scedule! But here's the latest chapter! Sorry it's a little short!**

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><p>The first thing he heard was beeping of a nearby monitor. Tamaki's eyes shot open and found himself in a bed in a room with white walls. Putting two and two together, he discovered he was in the hospital.<p>

"Good you're awake!" chirped a nurse who had happened to be walking by to check on him. "I'll go get your doctor!" She hurried off to do so before Tamaki could say a word.

His eye ached badly and so did his stomach and sat up as best as he could and tried to recollect all of the memories from the night before. They came speeding back to him like a freight train.

_After slipping the bouncer some money, Tamaki walked inside the bar._

_The bar had a reasonable crowd. He made his way over to the counter and sat on an empty stool and waited for the bartender. _

_Shortly, the bartender came over. "What'll it be?"_

"_I guess I'll have some whiskey. Leave the bottle." _

_The bartender nodded and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass from the shelf behind him and placed them down in front of the blond boy, who eyed them cautiously. He knew that the bottle either held the perfect way to stop cutting and suppress his emotions, or the biggest mistake of his life. _

_Only one way to find out._

_He poured his first glass and muttered. "Here's to you, Haruhi." before downing it in one go. It burned his throat and left an odd after taste. he couldn't imagine how anyone got addicted to this stuff, but he didn't want to seem like a stick in the mud._

_So he poured a second glass, held his nose and downed that one._

_Three glasses later, Tamaki was starting to feel a little woozy. But he was enjoying the feeling. He put down his glass and looked around. He felt like he was on a cloud now; a peaceful, gentle cloud. Like nothing bad could happen now._

_As he sat there, he couldn't help but take notice of a beautiful, strawberry blond woman sitting next to him. _

_She couldn't help but take notice of him as well. "Hello, there." she said. "Whatcha drinking?" From her accent, appearance and broken Japanese, he could tell she was American. She had on a slinky dark blue cocktail dress, which hugged her perfect frame. On her feet were black stilettoes._

_His heart pounded and he shifted his position on his stool to hide his growing boner. "Um…whiskey. It's actually really good. Warms you right up." He swallowed another glassful. Would….would you like me to b-buy you some?" The more he drank, the more he stammered. He felt it was tough to control the muscles in his face. _

"_Oh, but we just met." she said, inching closer. Tamaki leaned back slightly, his heart threatening to burst out his chest. "Where are my manners? We haven't even been properly introduced!" She sat back, giving Tamaki a chance to catch his breath. "I'm Lola. I'm from America."_

"_Yeah, I could tell from your accent," he said, hoping that wasn't rude. "I'm Tamaki." He smiled. Maybe this whiskey was exactly what he needed. "So…you've been in the country long?"_

'_No, I'm just here for a week on vacation."_

"_Cool. any particular reason you picked Japan?" He downed another glass of Whiskey, his resolve decreasing with every sip. "Was it because I'm here?" She giggled._

"_Hey punk! Are you flirting with my girl?" boomed another American voice from behind him. Tamaki spun around to see a huge mountain in the shape of a man standing before him. _

_He sputtered, "I…I didn't know! I-I…"_

"_Yeah, sure you didn't know!" He grabbed Tamaki's shirt front and pulled him off the ground._

"_Bruce, honey, let the poor boy be. He didn't know." protested Lola in English._

"_Shut up, cunt!" he snapped. _

_Tamaki's English was not that good, but he knew a few nasty words (taught to him oh so generously by the twins.) and he didn't like what he was hearing. In fact it got him pretty mad. Here was this nice girl and she was being called _

"_Hey back off, man. If the pretty girl wants to be with me, so be it. Besides, I think she'd rather be with someone that looks human, don'tcha think?"_

_With a mighty throw, Bruce sent Tamaki flying across the countertop, knocking over people's drinks, and straight into the wall. _

_Before he had a chance to get up, Tamaki looked up to see Bruce charging at him, his fists at the ready. That was the last thing Tamaki saw before a blow to the face knocked him out._

Tamaki cringed as he remembered. That was not his finest night.

The doctor walked in just then. He was tall and had slicked back black hair.

"Hello, Tamaki, I'm Dr. Hayashi!" He held out his hand to the young teen. Tamaki shook it, taking notice of a bandage wrapped around two of his fingers. _What happened to me?_

The doctor immediately saw the concern on the young blonde's face. He explained, "You were in a fight at a bar. You have a broken rib, two sprained fingers as well as a bruised back and a black eye. "

So _that's _why he ached so much. Bruce must've beat him up. Wait a minute- Bruce!

"Where's Bruce!" The doctor looked puzzled. "Um, the guy that beat me up?"  
>"He's in police custody. The bartender called the cops on the fight and you were brought here by ambulance. Some cops, however, are waiting outside the room. They want to discuss with you your underage drinking…" Tamaki's eyes snapped open wide. The doctor placed an arm around him gently. "It's fine. They've already said they're letting you off with a warning because your record is clean. But I want you to promise me you'll never do something like that again. It's very dangerous for someone your age."<p>

Tamaki nodded. "It was a stupid one-time thing. I promise I won't do it again!"

Dr. Hayashi nodded and then went to get the police officers waiting outside the room.

Later on, after he had been discharged, Tamaki took his limo home. He had been told to get plenty of bed rest and to come back for check-ups to make sure his broken rib healed properly.

When he got home, he saw another limo parked in front of the house. Immediately he recognized his father's license plate and his heart filled with dread.

_He knows…_

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><p>Yuzuru paced back and forth in front of the sofa, which Tamaki sat on. The younger Suoh's face was shamefully turned towards the ground. Finally his father stopped walking and sighed, placing a finger to his temple. "Son," he began. "This needs to end. First the failing your classes, then the cutting and now drinking? And the staff tells me your behavior at home has been rather…how shall I say it? Out of control?"<p>

Tamaki nodded, his stomach twisting up with regret.

_Maybe…maybe it's time I told him the truth? The truth about the anxiety and the depression and everything else…_

"I don't understand what has gotten into you, my boy." Yuzuru continued. "You're usually have such a cheery disposition and stay out of trouble. " He sat down beside him. "Is it because of…because of your mother's passing?"

Tamaki shook his head. "No, but that certainly didn't help. I was, well, cutting…" he hated that word. "…way before mother died."

"Why would you do things like this, son?"

Tamaki paused before standing up, facing his father and taking a deep breath.

"_Because I'm depressed, father. I've also been having anxiety attacks. It's been going on for two years now and it's just been getting worse and worse. I'm sorry, but I just didn't know how to tell you."_ _Just say those words to him. He'll understand!_

But the words couldn't come out of Tamaki's mouth. They were stuck in his throat. So he simply said, "I have no idea, father. I'm truly sorry." He bowed respectfully and then left the room to go to bed.

Once upstairs, he flopped down on his bed and began to sob into his pillow. "If I can't even tell father, who can I tell?" he murmured to himself miserably, his sobs wracking his entire body.

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><p>"Tama-chan! What happened to your eye?" piped a concerned Hunny. Tamaki cringed. After all that he'd been through in the past twenty-four hours, he had hoped no one would notice his black eye and ask questions (he had tried to cover it up with makeup, but couldn't fully hide it.) Not to mention he had been up all night and ended up with a bad migraine from lack of sleep.<p>

Tamaki cracked a smile at the loli-boy. "It's nothing, Hunny-Senpai. I promise.

"Actually, Senpai, I, too, would like to know what happened," Haruhi interjected. "That bruise you got looks pretty bad."

Tamaki paused for a second and thought. Could he really tell them about his bar incident? The words "Drama Queen" echoed in his head in Kyoya's voice, reminding him he shouldn't say much of anything.

He covered his eye with his hand. "It-it's nothing ok? I'm fine!"

All throughout the Host Club time, Tamaki's guests were mainly concerned about his eye. Tamaki would simply change the subject or sugar-coat his way out of it."

"Tamaki, what happened to your eye?" one girl asked.

"I became so blinded by your beauty that I walked into a wall!" Not the best of replies, but he was running low on patience since everyone was hounding him.

"Why do you seem so distant today?" questioned another girl.

"Because I'm thinking about how weak your smile makes me feel!"

"Tamaki, why are your eyes so bloodshot today?"

That he couldn't really come up with an answer for. He was stumped. He usually was very good at making up smooth comebacks for the girls to swoon over, but with this monstrous headache, he couldn't focus.

He just couldn't focus on anything!

He felt his anxiety start to bubble up. What if they didn't want to request him anymore? Would that lead to him being kicked out of the club he created?

Horrible visions ran through his mind; his worst fears coming true. He'd be kicked out of the club and no one would want to be his friend anymore. He'd be a loner, a complete loser. What would he do with himself then?

A vision of a rope tied in a noose flashed across his vision and suddenly (and strangly) he felt ten times calmer. He had never before considered dying, but…

_Isn't death supposed to be peaceful?_

_No._

He shook his head to get rid of the bad thoughts. Maybe all he needed was to step away from the room for a little while.

He stood up. "Excuse me ladies, I'll be right back." Tamaki left the room and hurried his way to the boy's room. Once there, he pushed up his sleeves, turned on the cold water and splashed some onto his face. His reflection caught his eye. The prince looked himself in the bloodshot eyes.

"Ok Suoh, you can do this. Just…go back out there and smile. Yeah! Isn't the simple act of smiling supposed to pick up your mood? I think I remember learning that in class once. Ok I've just gotta smile. I can get through this, I can-"

He stopped when the door opened. Mori stood there in the doorway and nodded to the prince with an "Mm," as his way of greeting him. He went to the sink next to Tamaki and began to wash his hands. They were covered in cake. "Mitsukuni dropped his slice of cake. I helped clean it up." Tamaki nodded, placing his hand on the counter and leaning on it.

As Mori washed his hands, something out of his peripheral vision caught his attention. He glanced over at the side of his to see something was very wrong with the arm Tamaki was leaning on. In fact, his other arm had the same problem.

"Tamaki…your wrists." That was all he had to say to send the prince into a panic to pull down his sleeves, but it was too late.

Someone, for the first time, had seen the scars.

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><p><strong>I worked very hard on this chapter! I hope you liked it!<strong>

**Review replies:**

**Insane lover 23: Trust me, you'll love it!**

**Yaoi Lover: Thanks!**

**Digidestined Ninja of Sunshine: I know, Tamaki's COMPLETELY OOC. But sometimes those who look the happiest can be the most depressed. It's sad but true. And I'm trying to describe his psychological issues as best I can!**

**Mangagurlz: Lol here's your update!**

**Grace: Aww you're so sweet!**

**eviltinyninjagirl: Thanks! And I will keep writing!**

**Neko Airie: Hopefully they will…before it's too late.**

**TheLittleDarkFox: T=Rambling is ok :D I'm glad you love the story so much!**

**YYxYandJxS4eva: Thanks! Here's the update lol!**

**AiLeiben: it's no problem! Thanks so much for reading!**

**JustJolola: Thanks! I got plenty this time around :3 It just helps me update. And Yeah, Kaoru's always got a good head on his shoulders in my opinion. Hikaru can blow his stack pretty easily.**

**xXSimplyMagicalXx: Thank you soooo much! Glad I have you hooked!**

**Nevie Nightmare: Lol well time to do your happy dance again!**

**AudreyTucker0001: *hugs* of course! I always love hugs!**

**Bloodyrose23: Even in the show to me she seems kind of oblivious to what she says sometimes.**

**kennaleez: Thanks!**


	13. Chapter 13 The Story So Far

**sorry for the short chapter! Now that summer's here, I can work a little more on the next one, but I reaaaaaaally wanted to get this one up the way it is :)**

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><p>Tamaki stood there nervously; wishing he could erase the past minute and make sure he'd never rolled up his damned sleeves. But it was far too late and Mori had already seen the scars.<p>

The prince's eyes bulged as he tried hard to think up something to say. But what could he say when someone had just seen his deepest, darkest secret?

"I…" was all he could say before tears welled up in his eyes. All the memories came rushing back to him at once; all the feelings of helplessness and pain hit him in one big wave and he sinks to the floor, crying into his hands. "Mori…Senpai…" His words were punctuated by deep sobs. "I can't…take it…any…more!" He collapsed onto all-fours, his tears pooling on the floor. "I've been in such pain…for so long! No one's wanted to help me! No one! Not even my own best friend!" Thoughts of Kyoya rushed through his head. The words "Drama Queen" were burned in his mind like someone had taken a cattle prod to it. This just brought on another fit of crying.

Suddenly the prince felt a hand on top of his head. He looked up and saw Mori standing above him. The stoic man then kneeled besides the crying Tamaki and put an arm around him.

"I'm listening. Tell me everything. "

Tamaki hesitated at first, but then let the whole story come pouring out. "I've been depressed and on my own for the past five years. I've been…cutting myself nonstop when the pain becomes too much to bear. I wanna stop but I feel as if I can't and…" He paused and took a shaky breath. "Well, I thought I finally found something that would make me happy when Haruhi and I got together. She was the light of my life- the light that I had hoped would lead me out of this darkness I live in. However, my problems drove her away and when she dumped me, the light went away. I was plunged into darkness again.

"I started scheming ways to get her back. I thought the double date would get her jealous enough. But I just made everything worse! I'd heard about finding solace in alcohol, but I just ended up in a bar fight instead! Now my father's disappointed in I'm and I'm stuck!" Mori listened quietly like he always did; nodding when appropriate and not interrupting as Tamaki told his tale of woe.

"To make things worse, with every decision I make, there's two sides to it; I see both; it's like there are two sides to me- a parent and a child. The child makes the irrational decision and the parent corrects them, but I usually listen to the child! I don't know why!

"I wanna get better- I really do. But no one believes that Im depressed. They all think I'm a 'drama queen who needs attention'."

Mori waited for more, but Tamaki had finished, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked him straight in the eye and said, "If it helps, I don't think you're a drama queen."

Truth be told it, did help a little bit. Tamaki felt his heart pound with excitement- for once _someone _actually believed his story! Someone actually understood that this was his reality!

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and there stood Kaoru. Since neither of them had returned to the club he had been sent to investigate. "Guys? Everyone's waiting for you, and- oh." He stopped once he saw the tears streaming down Tamaki's face. "Just…hurry up you guys." and he left the bathroom.

"We should get back to the club now," Mori said simply, grabbing a little toilet paper from a nearby stall and handing it to Tamaki, who immediately wiped his eyes and blew his nose.

"Yeah I guess you're right, Mori-Senpai," The older boy stood up and helped Tamaki to his feet before walking back to the club room with him, feeling much relief.

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><p><strong>again, sorry for the shortness! Next chapter will be longer!<strong>


	14. Chapter 14 Small Simple Safe Price

**So this is kind of a filler chapter. Hope you guys like it!**

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><p>For once, Tamaki actually felt happy. Hell, he'd never felt so damn happy in his life!<p>

_Maybe Mori-Senpai finding out was a good thing!_

This thought continually played in his head as he played the piano. It was four AM and he'd been up all night. He suddenly had a ton of energy and couldn't stop playing.

But this was a good sign to him. He'd never been this happy before. Everything was perfect! Someone was listening to him for once!

_…except Kyoya's still being a son of bitch… _echoed a small voice in the back of his mind.

He stopped playing and dwelled on that thought, his violet eyes shimmering with tears that seem to have sprung up out of nowhere. He considered Kyoya his best friend, but lately he just didn't seem to give a crap about him, one way or another.

A single tear trickled down Tamaki's cheek. It just wasn't fair. It didn't seem like he'd be satisfied until everyone understood and was on his side

But he knew that that was stupid. Not everyone was going to be his friend and on his side.

Wait! Maybe he _could _get everyone on his side! All he'd have to do is do something great, get noticed for it, and come out with his life story! But what could he do? He looked down at his piano and suddenly it hit him- he'd write an entire opera! Yeah! An entire opera all by himself with an entirely original idea!

_Visions of a cheering crowd flashed before his eyes. Adoring fans would be throwing flowers onto the stage as he came out and took a bow. He'd look out into the wings and there would be Haruhi, a bouquet in her hands and tears in her eyes, for the beautiful music would have moved her deeply. She'd run onto the stage and into his arms. After their embrace, she'd place the flowers into his arms. _

_ "Oh Senpai! That was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard!" she'd say_

_ "If you enjoyed it that much, check out page five of your program!" He'd reply. She'd open it and find an entire dedication page; he'd have dedicated the entire opera to her!_

_ Tears of joy would stream down her face as they'd embrace again. They'd then look up to see Kyoya in the front seat, he moved to tears as well, giving a standing ovation. _

Tamaki's heart was pounding with joy as he reveled in his fantasy! Now all he had to do was make it come true!

His happiness returned as he began to compose the first song. It was actually harder than he thought. There were a lot of vocal parts and since he didn't have characters yet, there was no way to tell how many he needed. Maybe he needed to make the characters first…

He smacked himself in the head. Of course! He didn't need the characters first, no, he needed a plot first! How could he be so ahead of himself?

He got out a notebook and sat at his piano, thinking. All that came to his head however, were successful operas that were already in existence! How would he be able to top those and make his opera stand out? Would anyone even like his work compared to the famous operas already out there? Was he good enough to even compose one?

Perhaps he'd think clearly once he got some sleep. Yeah that's probably all he needed was some sleep. Now that he thought about it, it was almost five in the morning and he was pretty tired. Good thing it was a Saturday and he didn't have to get up for anything.

He dragged himself up the grand staircase and up to his bedroom, where he laid in his bed for the net hour, too excited to go to sleep. Eventually when he did fall asleep, he had a nightmare.

His vision would go completely the opposite way and instead of flowers he would have rotten tomatoes thrown at him in a cliché, yet still terrifying and hateful scene. His opera would be deemed the worst in history and he'd end up cold and alone the rest of his life.

The prince awoke in a cold sweat, deciding that maybe opera was not the best idea for him to do. This just made him feel bad again. He stopped and thought a minute, trying to think rationally- would his composing really be so bad that everyone would hate him more? Would they even be bad? He didn't know- he'd composed a few things but had never finished them, let alone shared them with anybody.

Like a kick in the rear, the motivation to continue those compositions came to him. Tamaki scrambled down the stairs- the sun was just beginning to rise- and made his way back to the piano. Stored in the bench were some rough drafts of compositions he'd begun years ago. He looked them over and began to bang them out on the ivory keys. They sounded pretty good, but he was stumped- how could he continue them?

He had to try! There was no way he'd let a silly little song beat him! The prince began to play through the piece; for a long-time pianist, this piece he'd composed sounded so…amateur. Not only that, he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried, find the next note. It had to sound perfect, and he couldn't achieve anything near that status!

He began to feel stressed; had he been wasting all these years? Should he have been practicing composing? Deep down, he reminded himself that just because he's a great piano play doesn't mean the same for his composing.

Frustrated, he slammed his hands down on the piano, making a horrible dissonant chord echo throughout the large room. He knew that. He felt right now the dominant feelings were the "child" he'd mentioned to Mori and the "adult" was reminding him that he could not do everything.

Without warning tears began to fall. Only a few fell before they were dried up with his frustration. He whirred around and through an ornamental vase to the floor, shattering it into pieces. This only reminded him about how he had backed Haruhi up into the vase that had started her forced participation in the Host Club. How he felt guilt over that! He never showed it, nor had he said anything but he felt guilt for ending up being the cause of that! Tamaki positively hated seeing her force to dress an act as a boy, when she was this beautiful girl.

One thought led to another: if she hadn't been forced to join the Host Club, she wouldn't have sprained her arm! Sure it was long healed by now, but he couldn't bring himself to ever forgive himself!

"Master?" a man's voice interrupted his thoughts. A seething, self-loathing Tamaki with his finger nails at his scarred wrist looked up to find that half of his servants had woken up to the crash of vase. Tamaki's face turned absolutely red as he quickly dropped his hands to his side, praying that no one saw that. He snapped, "Someone clean this up! Now!" before storming off to his room, slamming the door. Once he got to his room, he felt a strong urge, a powerful urge to do something; anything! Without thinking, he retrieved his old knife out from under his bed and began to cut blindly.

"What…is…happening to me?" he hissed. Normally he'd need way more disappointment to harm himself, but lately he was…he was…

_Addicted! You're addicted to cutting, goddammit! _

He threw the knife at the wall. It hit the wall before landing on the carpeted floor, staining it with blood.

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><p><strong>Poor Tamaki! More to come soon! Tell me what you think of this little chapter!<strong>


	15. Chapter 15 This is My Last Resort

TWO WEEKS LATER:

Tamaki couldn't deny it; he was back in a funk. It seemed like whenever he was happy, something would come along and shoot down the good feeling.

He was curled up in his bed, not wanting to move an inch. But he knew that soon he would have to get up and go to school soon. School began at Eight o'clock, and it was already seven-thirty. One of the maids had called him to come to car three times, and he hadn't even budged. Normally he'd be at school by now, fooling around with his friends in the hallway.

_Wait…what friends? They all hate me._

He had figured it out. Kyoya hated him because all he wanted was attention. And maybe he was right. Maybe Tamaki did just want attention. Haruhi hated him because of his obsessing over her. The twins hated him due to the fact that he was out of his mind; his delusions of grandeur constantly got in the way of the club's activities. Hunny seemed like he didn't hate him, but he could put up a really good façade. Who knows why he hated him, but he did.

And Mori. Mori was only pretending to care about him. Like with Hunny, Tamaki couldn't put his finger on why he hated him, but he knew that he did. Everyone hated him. No one could like him. He was such a pain to deal with.

There was a knock at the door. "Young master, school will start soon! Don't you want to make it?" came Shima's voice.

"No I'm…not feeling well."

There was a long sigh. "Alright I'll let the driver know. Let me know if you're feeling up to going in later."

"Yes, Shima." He listened as her footsteps got quieter and quieter until he couldn't hear them any longer. He sighed himself. For the past two weeks he'd either missed school or gone in late. He'd felt too depressed to get out of bed.

But when he had gone to school and seen Haruhi, she had seemed happy to see him. She would smile at him and talk to him as if everything was normal.

Of course, nothing was normal. He wasn't sure if anything would be normal again.

But the thing that confused him is her mannerisms around him; the way she sometimes would giggle shyly at what he said, the way her eyes lit up when she saw him, along with many other little things.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind dwell on the possibility that she wanted to get back together, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>"I don't know, boss, I think you're wrong," Hikaru said. It was later in the day and Tamaki had come into school. It was just after the club activities and the Hosts were relaxing.<p>

"I know I'm right! Look I'll prove it!" He turned to look at Haruhi, who had a textbook open on her lap. "Haruhi! Come here for a second, please!"

She looked up from her textbook, then sighed an closed it. For the past two weeks, she had heard what Tamaki had been saying; that they were destined to get back together. She crossed the room to Tamaki. "What's up, Senpai?"

Tamaki froze. what was he supposed to say to her?

_Stupid! I'm incredibly stupid!_

"Um…how was your weekend? What did you do?"

Haruhi rolled her eyes, but then started to answer. "My weekend was just fine, thanks. My dad and I went to visit relatives in Kyoto…"

Tamaki stopped listening. Normally he would take in every word that she said, but now he was paying attention to her body language. The way she looked him right in the eye, the way she smiled at him; all the little things. Even the tone of her voice was reassuring to his theory.

_It's only a matter of time now until she admits that she wants me back!_

"Senpai?" She waved her hand in front of his face. "Are you listening.

"Huh?" The dazed prince shook his head. "Oh, that's really awesome, Haruhi!"

"I guess so. Look I've got a lot of studying to do, so if you don't mind, I need to get back to it."

"Oh not at all…you…you go study…" Haruhi nodded, smiled at him and then walked back to her seat. Once she was there, Tamaki looked at the twins.

"See! See how she just talked to me! She's been talking to me like that for the past couple of weeks!

"Senpai! what are you saying?" Kaoru said.

"I'm saying I think she still likes me!" Tamaki said as he typed furiously on his phone. He then held it up to show a photo of Haruhi and her boyfriend. "Look at this photo of the two of them! It makes me sick!"

"Boss, she's moved on!" Kaoru reminded him.

"You need to understand that!" Hikaru piped up.

And do the same as well!" they chorused.

But Tamaki wasn't going to have it. "No! She hasn't moved on! I know it!" He typed on his phone again, commenting, "Wow that's cheesy. Then again we all need some cheese in our diets!"

Hikaru, who was looking over his shoulder, got fed up and grabbed the phone from him. "Stop it, Tamaki! You need to seriously knock it off! Haruhi has moved on! She's no longer into you! You're stalking her and her boyfriend! You're really disturbing them! Stop this bullshit and stop having these crazy delusions that she still likes you!"

Tamaki couldn't speak. He knew Hikaru had a temper problem, but it'd had never been directed at him. He felt a heaviness in his heart. He knew it! Everyone was against him! Without a word, he got up and ran out of the room.

"Huh?" Haruhi took notice just as Tamaki was slamming the door. "Senpai! Wait!"

"Oh don't worry about him. He probably just needs time to cool off and stop acting so ridiculous…" Kyoya said.

From the other side of the room, Mori was glaring at him.

* * *

><p>There were photos all around- photos of happier times; spending time with his mother, paling around with the Host Club, playing the piano for a crowd. He wanted to die surrounded by happiness.<p>

He wanted to die. That was the operative phrase.

His knife- his only friend, it seemed- was in his hand. A bottle of sleeping pills was clutched in the other. He had cleaned up his bedroom and made his bed- he felt he didn't deserve to die in a comfy bed. Tears fell down his cheeks.

_I'm worthless! No one's gonna miss me! No one at all! Not even my father! If anything, he'll be glad to be rid of his failure of a son!_

He began to cut. He didn't feel the sting of the blade anymore; his body was completely numb. Tears fell like raindrops as he cut his wrists, ankles, anywhere he could! The prince cut his stomach, his thighs, all the way down his arms. These cuts were not deep. He did not want to die by blood loss- he felt he at least deserved a peaceful way to go.

Blood trickled down from many places and he felt a little dizzy. Now was the time. Without hesitation, he held up the medication, cried out through his tears, "Goodbye, you piece of shit world!" and dumped the white pills into his mouth, many of them falling to floor in the process. He swallowed what he'd caught in his mouth and tossed the bottle to the floor. He laid down on the floor, hoping this time the job would be done; that this time he wouldn't wake up.

Soon enough, he began to feel sleepy. Tears fell from his eyes as it hit him.

_I'm going to die! This is it! I can feel it this time…what have I done? _

Maybe dying wasn't the right thing! He began to feel terrified. Tamaki tried to push himself up from the ground and get to the toilet so he could throw up the medication. He was dizzy; the room spun and he fell back down.

_No!_

His vision began to fade in and out. The last thing he saw before completely blacking out was a photo of him and his mother.

"I'm coming mom…" he murmured, slipping into blackness.

* * *

><p>"I'm worried. He's not answering his phone!" Kaoru said, after trying Tamaki's cell phone for the fourth time.<p>

"Like I said before, he's probably cooling off. He should be ok tomorrow." Kyoya said, even though he too had a nasty feeling in the pit of his stomach. There was something off about Tamaki not answering his phone when he always did.

In the next moment, Mori had Kyoya pinned to the wall, his face contorted in anger.

"Takashi!" Hunny cried out in surprise.

"Mori-Senpai, what's gotten into you?" the twins chorused.

The room was dead silent as everyone stared at Mori and Kyoya, who wore an expression of blind terror; he wasn't stupid- he knew what Mori was capable of doing.

"Listen to me now, Kyoya. You have been nothing but obnoxious and hurtful to Tamaki. He's absolutely depressed and he's been cutting himself! You're tactless comments are not needed here!"  
>"Mori-Senpai, you knew about this too?" Haruhi piped up. Mori let go of Kyoya and turned to face her.<p>

"I just found out about this. Did he tell you when you two were dating?" She nodded.

"Why didn't you guys tell anyone?" Hunny asked. Mori and Haruhi both froze up before hanging their heads in shame.

"I thought it was just a thing that he was going through and it needed to be kept secret…" said Mori.

"I sent him to see the school counselor…I thought it would be better if he told someone about it himself…"

The room was silent again. Suddenly, everyone began to understand what was going on.

"Kaoru and I were talking about him…we had decided not to get involved…frankly, we did a shitty job of staying out of it…" Hikaru said softly.

"And I have to admit, I have been…too hard on him…" Kyoya finally admitted.

The room went silent again as everyone mulled over what was happening.

"He just went home, crying his eyes out. He's depressed again and I fear he's going to hurt himself!" Mori reminded everyone. Haruhi, at that, jumped to her feet and ran for the door. She turned over her shoulder and called,

"Then what are we waiting for? We've gotta get to his house and try to right what we've done to him!"

"I'll call for a limo," Kyoya said calmly, whipping out his phone. Even though he seemed completely bored and not worried, he too was getting a little concerned after all of the pieces were laid out of the table and they were now coming together.

In no time, the hosts were at the Suoh second estate. Hunny was the first one out of the limo and he raced to the door, jumping up so he could ring the doorbell. One of the servants answered.

"Can I help you?" The rest of the hosts ran up the staircase and caught up with Hunny.

"We need to speak to Tamaki, is he home?" Kyoya said, urgency evident in his voice.

"The young master is up in his room, but he wishes not to be-" The hosts were up the grand staircase in a flash.

Kyoya led them all to Tamaki's room, which once they entered they found the lights were off, except for the one in the adjoining bathroom.

"S-Senpai?" Kaoru called out.

"Are you here?" Hikaru added.

Haruhi was the one who was brave enough to take the first step into the room. As if in a trance she walked to the bathroom. She disappeared from the sight of the other hosts. There was a moment of dead silence before a piercing shriek rang out.

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><p><strong>Uh oh! That's not good! What will happen? Well silly reader only I know. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<strong>

**Um...new update coming soon!**


	16. Chapter 16 Escape from this Afterlife

**Just a little filler chapter...sorry it's not much but I've got a bigger chapter coming up.**

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><p>The hosts ran into the bathroom, to see Haruhi standing there, her hands over her mouth in utter shock. A few seconds later they all screamed as well once they saw what had caused her alarm.<p>

Tamaki was lying on the ground in a small pool of his own blood. An empty bottle of pills was near his hand. The little white pills were scattered.

Kyoya was the first one to recover from the moment. "I'll call the hospital! Someone check to see if he's breathing! Someone else, find something to make tourniquets out of!" He whipped out his cell phone and began dialing.

The twins immediately rushed into the bedroom, grabbed the bed sheet and began ripping it to pieces. They used the pieces to make tourniquets and bandages, trying desperately to stop the bleeding.

Haruhi knelt down by Tamaki's face. She was soon able to hear the shallow breaths the Host Club King was taking. Without missing a beat, Haruhi began to perform CPR on her ex-boyfriend. She then began trying to pump his heart.

"Come on, Senpai, stay with us! Please don't do this!" She felt as if she was going to be sick.

"The ambulance should be here in a few minutes. I only pray that they get here in time!" Kyoya reported.

Haruhi administered CPR once more. No matter what had ever transpired between the two of them, she didn't want to lose him.

The rest of the hosts began finding ways to help out; checking the wounds to make sure the bleeding was stopping, making sure he was still breathing. It wasn't long before they heard sirens in the distance. Mori ran downstairs to help the paramedics find their way to Tamaki's room.

Paramedics soon came into the room, Mori close behind them. They had a stretcher with them as well as a ton of special equipment.

Haruhi's world was spinning. She felt sick to her stomach as she watched the paramedics work on Tamaki. She couldn't take it; she rushed to the toilet and threw up.

* * *

><p>The world was white. Tamaki's eyes fluttered open. He was dressed in a white robe and was lying just outside a golden gate. The doors of the gate slowly opened to reveal a figure coming toward him.<p>

It didn't take him long to recognize the figure.

"Mother?" He got up and ran toward her. She enveloped him in a tight hug.

"My Tamaki! Look at you! You're so young! Why did you do it?" Her hug tightened.

Tears formed in his eyes. "I'm sorry mother, but…I couldn't take it anymore. Life just….wasn't worth living…"

She let go of him and took him by the hand. "Tamaki, let me show you something…" She cleared away part of the cloud. Tamaki peered down into the space. It was foggy for a moment, but when it cleared, he saw his body lying in a hospital bed. The hosts were surrounding it, Haruhi, Hunny and the twins had tears streaming down their faces. Mori and Kyoya were silently grieving, their faces twisted up in pain. The two of them looked so out of character that Tamaki gasped.

"Tamaki, I'm not going to make the decision for you. But I'm going to advise you to go back."

Tamaki bit his lip, as he pondered his decision.

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><p><strong>So what's he gonna choose? Tune in for the next chapter!<strong>


	17. Chapter 17 Go! Walk Out the Door!

**WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LOVELY REVIEWERS?**

**...sorry...but please come back, my friendly reviewers! I appriciate input and opinion!**

**Anyway, ON WE GO!**

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><p>Tamaki wrung his hands with uncertainty. He didn't know what to do. Should he go back to earth and risk being hurt again? Or should he hurt others by staying in the afterlife?<p>

"Well Tamaki?" said his mother, coming to stand beside him. "Have you decided?" Tamaki turned to face her as thoughts went nuts in his head. He wanted to stay so badly. So what if he faced judgment and possibly eternal damnation for committing suicide? It didn't seem any different than the torture he faced daily by just suffering depression, and-

A cry came from down on earth and interrupted his thoughts; it was Haruhi.

"I can't take this any longer! It's all my fault!" She got up and bolted from the room. The twins chased after her. The whole scene made Hunny cry even harder. Mori pulled his small cousin onto his lap and muttered, "Please wake up, Tamaki…please wake up…" Kyoya stared after Haruhi and the twins until they were out of sight before shaking his head sadly. He just couldn't believe this was happening. He took hold of Tamaki's limp hand and whispered, "I'm sorry, Tamaki…I don't know if you can hear me, but I really am sorry for treating you like that…had I only known…"

Tamaki shook his head in disbelief. Were his friends actually realizing their mistakes? Or were they just caring only that he had attempted suicide?

_But then again…if they care enough that I might be dead, they must care about me in other ways! _

Visions of memories of them having fun together began flashing in his mind. So what if he was hurting? They didn't deserve to hurt, too!

He turned to his mother. "Mom, I love you and I'm happy to see you, but…I…"

She smiled understandingly. "I'm proud of you Tamaki. Live your life and be good and happy. I'll always be watching over you. I love you!"

Tamaki's eyes welled up with tears as he flung himself into his mother's arms. The feeling of her warm body began to fade away as he was plunged into blackness.

* * *

><p>The heart monitor began to pick up speed.<p>

"Tama-chan?" Hunny said timidly.

Kyoya jumped up and ran to the doorway. Haruhi was sitting outside the doorway crying, with one twin on either side of her. "Haruhi! Kaoru! Hikaru! Get in here! He might be waking up!" The first year trio jumped to their feet and rushed back into the room.

"Boss!" The twins chorused.

"Senpai!" Haruhi cried out as she went to touch his hand.

* * *

><p>Tamaki heard a faint beeping and distant voices. He then felt a hand clutching his own and squeezed it lightly. His eyes slowly fluttered open. The world was blurry at first, but then he could make out six concerned and hopeful faces standing above him. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he began to sob heavily as he squeezed Haruhi's hand tighter.<p>

For a few minutes, everyone sat with the prince as he let the tears out. In a little while, Kyoya stood up.

"I should probably go fetch a nurse. Excuse me everyone, I will be right back." he said before leaving the room.

"Mori can you hand me that glass of water, please?" Tamaki said hoarsely. Mori nodded and handed him the water off of a small table that stood nearby. Tamaki drank it down greedily.

There were tears streaming down Haruhi's face. "Senpai…why? Why did you do such a thing?"  
>Tamaki looked at her, and then at the rest of the hosts. "Do you guys mind waiting outside? I think this is a private matter…" The twins, Mori and Hunny all got up and left the room, leaving the two exes to stare each down uncomfortably until Tamaki sighed.<p>

"Haruhi…I love you…I always have ad probably always will…you broke my heart- no wait, you shattered my heart to pieces. It's not that easily to just let that go."

She couldn't look at him. "I'm sorry, Senpai…it was just…too much for me to handle…I couldn't be a therapist _and _a girlfriend. I'm so sorry, but that's the way it is. I think it's better if we just remained good friends." Fresh tears came to Tamaki's eyes. Haruhi grabbed the tissue box ad handed it to him. "That's not to say I don't care about you! I love you like a friend…and um, a 'daddy', I guess…but right now you need to focus on getting better rather than a relationship. "

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR! he exploded. "I LOVE YOU AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT!"

"Tamaki-Senpai! Calm down!" Her eyes flickered to his heart monitor, which had increased speed yet again. The nurse Kyoya had gone to get came rushing into the room and began to try to calm down the distraught Host Club King. After he calmed, she began to check his vitals and make sure he was stable.

He sighed. "I'm sorry…I guess you're right, Haruhi. I need to focus on getting better. I just…fell in love and things got out of hand…I'm sorry, too. Can we, put all this behind us?"

She smiled. "Of course!" She sat with him, still holding his hand until the nurse left.

"Um, Haruhi? Can you please send in Hikaru and Kaoru next?" She nodded before standing up, giving him an awkward hug and leaving the room.

The twins entered a moment later. Hikaru was staring at the ground. He knew he had done wrong.

"I…I…" He began before Kaoru elbowed him in the arm. "Ow! I'm so sorry, boss! I was too hard on you!"

Kaoru nodded. "I'm sorry, too, boss. I knew something was wrong; I should've said something!"

Tamaki held up his hand. "It's ok. You two are forgiven.

"No it's not ok! I was a jerk to you, and I really am sorry!" Hikaru persisted.

"I know. And I'm still a little hurt about it, but I can let it go." Though deep down, Tamaki was sure it would take some time for he actually did let go.

Hikaru smiled, knowing that he truly wouldn't be forgiven for some time. But he knew he did wrong and he was glad Tamaki didn't freak out at him.

* * *

><p>Mori and Hunny came in next, Hunny immediately rushed to Tamaki's side and handed him his pink stuffed rabbit. "Here, Tama-Chan! You can keep Usa-Chan until you get better!"<p>

Tamaki smiled as he accepted the rabbit. "Thanks, Hunny-Senpai! Ill take good care of him!"

Mori placed his hand on Tamaki's head and looked him straight in the eyes. The giant didn't say anything, but from the look in his eyes, Tamaki could tell he was apologetic. The prince smiled gently and placed his hand on top of his friend's.

"It's ok, Mori-Senpai. You listened, which is more than anyone had ever done! I'm kinda glad you didn't tell anyone! I don't think anyone would've listened as well as you did!"

He half-smiled back and nodded his head. As he and Hunny walked from the room, Tamaki felt a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of him.

_They all care…they really do all care!_

* * *

><p>Kyoya came in last. Tamaki's face turned sour instantly. This was the one meeting he had not been looking forward to. He crossed his arms across his chest. Kyoya stared a moment at the bandages on his best friend's wrists.<p>

"Tamaki, I-"

"Still think I'm a drama queen? Save your breath, Kyoya. It's gonna take a lot more than apologies to fix this! I thought we were best friends, but maybe I was wrong! you have treated me like crap for the past few months and haven't given a damn about how I was feeling! You call yourself a friend? Well you're a pretty shitty one as far as I can tell! Leave me alone for now, will you?"

Kyoya looked hurt. He knew Tamaki would be mad, but he didn't expect that. Without another word, he bolted from the room.

The rest of the hosts congregated outside the room against the wall and out of the way of the busy doctors. They all turned to look at Kyoya, who stopped and looked back at them for a brief moment before fleeing the hospital.

All the hosts wore looks of utter shock.

They had seen tears in the youngest Ootori's eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>BAM! Looks like Kyoya got what he deserved, huh? <strong>

**New chapter coming soon!**


	18. Chapter 18 Recovery

**Ok. Here's the thing. **

**These chapters are waaaaaaaay too short for my liking. I have only two left to write for this story and I SWEAR they will be a lot longer, but ffor now...enjoy this...**

* * *

><p>The hosts came to visit every day after school. The teachers had heartlessly given them Tamaki's homework for him to do, but the hosts dropped it off at the Suoh second estate instead- Tamaki would do it once he felt up to it.<p>

When they visited, the hosts would take their usual places- Haruhi in a chair to his left, Mori and Hunny in a second chair by his right. The twins perched themselves on the end of the bed. Kyoya would plop himself down in a third chair as far from the bed as possible. He would barely look up; he would just sit there and twiddle his thumbs nervously. He was very beside himself after the private meeting with Tamaki, but he knew he had no one to blame but himself for that.

One afternoon as Hunny was tittering away, telling Tamaki all that had happened at the Host Club meeting (which Tamaki insisted they have despite him being hospitalized.), they heard a familiar voice in the hallway over at the nurse's station.

"Where is he? Where's my son?" Yuzuru Suoh shouted frantically. A nurse tried to calm him down. "No, I won't settle down! I need to see my son first!" A moment later, he came rushing into the room, stopping at the doorway. He placed his hand over his heart and then rushed to his son's bedside. "Tamaki! Tamaki, my son!" He knelt down beside the bed and took his son's hand in his. "Why, Tamaki, why? Why did you do that? Do you have any idea how frightened I was when I heard what you did?"

Tamaki half-smiled and placed his hand over his Yuzuru's. "Father, please calm down. I'm ok now, see? I'm alive and I promise I'll never do something like that again!" His father looked at him before he began to sob and through his arms around Tamaki. The rest of the Hosts watched in awe. They had never seen this side of their school chairman. It was a touching side, for sure.

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><p>"Ok, Mr. Suoh, are you ready?" the nurse asked in a chipper voice. Tamaki sighed and pushed back the blanket. His doctor had ordered him to walk after a week in bed. He had cut his legs more severely than intended and just missed the tendons in a few places. The doctors feared, however, he may have damaged his legs and needed to be sure that he would still be able to walk. His friends had gathered to watch him take the first few steps.<p>

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I guess,"

The nurse lowered the rail on Tamaki's bed and helped him out of bed. Tamaki's legs felt like Jell-O to him, but he managed to take, with the nurse's help, a few wobbly steps forward. The hosts applauded for him as his steps became steadier and steadier. Slowly the nurse let go of his hands and let him walk around the room a little, staying close by him just to be safe. He walked toward his friends, who all gave him celebratory bear hugs.

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><p>A couple of weeks later, Tamaki was alone in his room watching television, though he wasn't focused on the TV. He was more focused on how lucky he was. How lucky he had been to have survived. How lucky he was that he hadn't done major damage to his body, save for the scars all over him, which would fade with time (and maybe some scar-removal cream). But most of all he was lucky to have people who loved and cared about him and a guardian angel smiling down at him.<p>

His father appeared in the doorway and knocked on the wall.

Tamaki looked over and smiled. "Father! Do come in!" Yuzuru looked a little distraught as he pulled a chair next to the bed. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Tamaki, we need to have a talk. Out of the corner of Tamaki's eyes, he saw a small group of doctors outside his room. His stomach turned and his heart raced. Something told him he wouldn't like where this was going. "The doctors and I have been talking about your…attempt…and they have recommended a course of action that should be taken. Tamaki you have a lot of problems that have been skipped over all your life and, well, the doctors and I feel it's best if you spend the rest of your recovery time in the mental ward. "

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><p><strong>Uh oh...that doens't sound good, now does it?<strong>

**How will Tamaki fair in there? Will he get better, or will he lose it again? **

**Tune in next chapter to find out!**


	19. Chapter 19 Straitjacket Feeling

**Ok I lied. I NOW have two more chapters to post. Ha HA!**

**ON WE GO!**

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><p>Tamaki's mouth hung open in utter shock. He couldn't believe this was happening! "The…mental…ward…?" He could barely get the words out; there was a lump in his throat.<p>

His father nodded sadly. "It's for your own good, Tamaki."

One of the doctors walked to his bedside. Tamaki recognized Dr. Hayashi; the doctor who had treated him when he got beat up at the bar. He had a concerned look on his face. "Tamaki, statistically, young men your age tend to try suicide again three months after their first attempt. If we can get to the root of what's bothering you, then we can prevent this from happening again."

Tamaki sputtered. "B-but I've already come to the conclusion that it was my friends who were bothering me! Yeah! I thought they didn't care about me, but I've done a lot of soul-searching and I've found that they do care! Problem solved!"

The doctor shook his head. "No Tamaki .Problem _not _solved. You have a nasty case of depression, which doesn't just go away on its own like a cold does.

"Plus we're concerned that there might be something else going on. After an interview with your father about how you behaved as a child, as well as now raise some red flags. This history of tantrums even when you were supposed to have outgrown them, unnecessary aggression and now your depression and cutting all point to something that might be a little more serious than depression.

"I know this might be hard to swallow, but the psychiatric ward isn't as bad as portrayed in movies and television. You'll be just fine and pretty safe there. Your friends and family can come and visit you every day and if you cooperate with the doctors you'll be back home before you know it!"

A tear trickled down Tamaki's cheek as he hugged Usa-Chan to his chest. He didn't want to admit he was scared; not only of going to the mental ward, but also of himself. The doctor's words brought up painful memories of childhood tantrums, something he'd been long ashamed of. He'd get upset at the slightest thing, and then five minutes later be just fine.

The other two doctors brought in a wheelchair. Tamaki waved at them. "No, no. It's better for me to walk." Dr. Hayashi and Yuzuru helped the young blonde out of bed and walked him, stuffed rabbit in tow, out into the hallway. On their way to the elevators, they passed the lobby- where the rest of the hosts had congregated. They looked at him. He looked away.

"They're…they're sending me to…to the…" Tamaki again couldn't speak over the lump in his throat. Haruhi stood up and went to hug him gently.

"We know, Senpai. We'll still come visit you every day and you'll be just fine." The rest of the hosts, excluding Kyoya, who still looked very ashamed, went to hug their king and wish him well. Tamaki then went and hugged his father goodbye and Dr. Hayashi led him away to the elevator. The last thing Tamaki saw was his friend waving goodbye to him and Kyoya giving him a slight wave. Tamaki gave a wave back as the doors closed and the elevator went up to the fifth floor.

After talking to several doctors and being inspected and having his scars made note of (much to Tamaki's utter humiliation.) He was led to the day room, where about twelve other teens were keeping themselves occupied. A couple of them were playing video games. Two others were playing ping pong while three others watched. And the rest were busy with various games and puzzles.

Tamaki sighed.

_I just have to convince the doctors that I'm perfectly sane, and then im home free!_

He picked up a crossword puzzle book and a crayon from a nearby table and began to go to work, trying to forget for a while about where he was.

"Lunch time! Everyone line up!"

The patients pushed and shoved to be first in line. Tamaki put down his puzzle book and made his way to the back of the line. As he made his way over there, he tripped on his own two feet and ended up falling- and plowing right into the kid in front of him.

He spun around. "Hey watch it, fag!" Tamaki ignored him and scrambled to his feet. The kid pushed him down. Some people snickered. "What's wrong, faggot? Can't stand up on your own?"

A nurse came and stood between the two of them. "Akatsuki, that's enough!" He snapped, reaching his hand forward to help Tamaki to his feet.

"Well it's not my fault the guy's a push-over." Akatsuki said before laughing his head off. "Get it? Push over?"

Tamaki's cheeks went bright red. The male nurse, a strong black man with an American accent handed Tamaki his lunch tray and steered him in the direction of the tables. He obliged and sat down, fuming inside about the other kid.

Akatsuki got his food and then sat down across from Tamaki. "Hey man, you're alright for a pussy. How about we put that little scrap behind us and move on?" He held out his hand for him to shake. Tamaki considered it for a moment before shoving the kid's tray of food onto the floor. The nurse immediately walked over.

"Suoh! You will clean that up, right now!" Tamaki shuddered. He had been there a total of twenty minutes and he had already fucked up.

_You worthless piece of shit, now look at what you've done!_

He got down on his knees and began to clean up the food. While he was doing Akatsuki seized the moment to dump Tamaki's dish of vegetables onto his head. The entire room broke out into laughter, but it silenced quickly after the nurse gave them all a stern look.

Tamaki's ears smoked. How could he let this piece of shit humiliate him like that? Did he have any idea what he'd been through? Why he was stuck there with him? Tamaki leapt into the air and landed on Akatsuki, knocking him over.

"Can we get some diphenhydramine in here?" called the nurse. A moment later, two other nurse rushed in, one with a needle in her hands. While two nurse split up the fighting boys, the third nurse injected the drug into Tamaki's rear end.

"H….h…hey…that...not...f…fair…" Was all Tamaki was able to get out before he collapsed on the floor into unconsciousness.

Tamaki awoke hours later, dazed and confused, in a small bed- well, if you could call the hard mattress with incredibly thin blankets and a single flat pillow a bed.

There were two other boys in the room with him- including Akatsuki, who was fast asleep and drooling on his pillow.

Tamaki groaned and buried his face in the pillow. However long he was going to be there, it was going to be hell.

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><p><strong>I couldn't wait to post! may all my chapter updates be this quick!<strong>


	20. Chapter 20 Can You Feel the Love Tonight

**Please review, loves! I miss getting reviews!**

**One more chapter and then a bonus chapter!**

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><p>Tamaki sighed as he stared at the blank walls and hugged Usa-Chan to his chest.. He had been up for hours. There was no clock in sight, so he had no clue how long he had left to sleep.<p>

He estimated that he had been asleep on the sedative for about five or so hours. What a miserable experience to have under his belt! All he wanted was for his father to come take him home!

He glanced over at Akatsuki, still sound asleep. Who knew how long _he _had been stuck there? He was possibly there for weeks! Months, even!

Tamaki paused suddenly, a bead of sweat trickling down his face. Would he be there that long? He had heard horror stories in the past of people being locked away in facilities for the rest of their lives!

He turned over onto his stomach and began to cry, dreading what was to happen to him.

Time seemed to blur, and the absence of a clock was no help. Before too long, Tamaki heard a nurse call out, "It's six-thirty! Eeeeeeveryone up!"

Tamaki sat up in bed; his tear-filled eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. This didn't go unnoticed by the nurse who had come in to take vitals.

"Are you alright, Suoh?" she asked, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around Tamaki's arm. "Why are your eyes bloodshot? You haven't been hiding anything, have you?"

The prince, a lump in his throat from holding back tears, simply shook his head. He cleared his throat and said, "I just didn't sleep, is all." The nurse took off the cuff and took his pulse.

"Well if it happens again, tell one of us and we can give you something to help you sleep." He nodded, pushing back the covers. Suddenly a different lump came to his throat- a more uncomfortable one.

"Uh oh! He jumped up and rushed into the hallway. "Someone unlock the bathroom, quick!" A nurse standing by obliged and quickly unlocked the bathroom. Tamaki rushed in and threw up into the toilet, just making it.

No one came in to check up on him.

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><p>"What the hell is this?" Tamaki snapped at the had been standing in the medication line, and was about to tell this nurse that he had no medications. Before he could speak, she had handed him a small white pill- a very strong reminder of the ones he'd overdosed on. She sighed, trying to keep a cool head.<p>

"It's called Lexapro. It's an antidepressant that you have been prescribed by us."

Tamaki was about to shout, but then he remembered what would happen if he lost his cool again.

_Maybe if I can control myself enough and _act _like I don't belong here, I'll go home faster!_

"What if it doesn't work for me?" he calmly asked.

"Try it. You may feel some side effects from it. Make sure you tell your doctor about ALL you're feeling; physically and emotionally."

Tamaki shrugged and popped the pill in his mouth, accepting the glass of water to wash it down with.

"Just wondering, when will I see my doctor, anyhow?"

"This afternoon."

Tamaki's smiled inwardly.

_Maybe if I convince this doctor that I'm ok, I'll be home by this evening!_

His heart pounded in anticipation. The afternoon was just a few hours away, and he could hardly wait.

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><p>After a freezing cold shower, breakfast (which Tamaki could barely choke down) "school" time, lunch finally arrived.<p>

Tamaki sat down with his tray, absolutely ravenous, when a whisper caught his attention.

"You know what I heard, I heard Suoh's really nuts. The dummy tried to kill himself!" Akatsuki laughed to his small group of friends. "I heard the doctors talking this morning!"

The prince abruptly stood up and walked to his table. "Do you…have a problem…faggot?" For the record, Tamaki had no clue what that word meant and was just returning the English insult to his enemy.

Akatsuki looked at Tamaki before looking back at his friends and laughing.

"Maybe we do, Suoh," he said. "Maybe you're so crazy that you'll never get out of here! I'm due up for discharge soon! You'll probably never be able to say that!"

Tamaki's hands balled into fist.

"Ooh! Looks like the baby's gonna start crying!" said one of the other guys.

"Maybe he'll go try to kill himself again and be successful this time!" said the other. The two friends high-fived. Tamaki raised a shaking fist before he stopped as thoughts came flooding into his mind.

_What if he's right? What if I can't convince them to let me go home? What if…I am here forever?_

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><p>"Come on in, Tamaki!" boomed a powerful, yet cheery voice form behind the door. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Tamaki let himself into the small office. In it, sat a tall, lean man with a glasses and a friendly half-smile on his face. "Have a seat! Come on, I won't bite!"<p>

Tamaki let out a chuckle as he did so. For a moment, the doctor picked up a clipboard and was writing stuff down on it, as Tamaki tentatively took in his surroundings. He noticed a picture on the doctor's desk. It was of a ten year old girl who was sitting at the bottom of a slide, grinning with excitement.

"Is that your daughter?" he asked.

The doctor smiled "Technically I'm not supposed to answer any questions about my personal life but yes that's my little girl!"

They both were silent again. Eventually the doctor put down his clipboard.

"Now Tamaki, I want you to know that whatever you say is completely confidential. Unless you are planning to hurt yourself again, anything you say is strictly between you and me! I promise!"

Tamaki looked around the room once more before returning his eyes to the doctor.

"Now, Tamaki. First and foremost we need to discuss what lead you to do what you did. Can you tell me what happened that day?"

Tamaki didn't want to spill his story. Not to this total stranger. He bit his tongue, trying to figure out whether or not telling his whole story would hurt his chances of getting out of there quickly.

_Maybe if I tell some of the story and then say I now know it was stupid of me to do that, then maybe it'll help…_

And he began to tell little tidbits of his story. But somehow he found it in his to tell the doctor the whole tragic story of the past few years.

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><p>"Tamaki Suoh?" A voice broke through his thoughts. Tamaki's head shot up from the crossword he was doing. It was rec. room time, and Tamaki was keeping to himself as usual. . "You have a visitor."<p>

"It's probably my father," he said, getting up and picking up his lunch tray. He walked into the other room and nearly dropped his tray. There sat not his father, but Kyoya. He looked a little nervous, like he was dreading something.

Tamaki sat down across the table and put down his tray. They sat in silence for a moment.

"So…how's the…food?" Kyoya finally asked. Tamaki shrugged.

"Kinda bland, but what can you expect, it's a hospital." Kyoya nodded. They sat in silence once again for a few minutes, trying not to make eye contact. "So, do you know when my father's coming?"

"He'll be here soon. I just went ahead of everyone."

"Why?"

"Well I…I…" He cleared his throat. "I need to sincerely apologize once again, Tamaki. I really hurt you, and I never knew you were in this much pain! And I had no idea I was causing a good amount of it. I really would like to just…you know, move on and start again!"

Tamaki nodded, trying hard to keep his boiling anger deep down. He felt such distain for Kyoya for hurting him.

_And yet…_

Before he could stop himself, Tamaki sprang forward and enveloped Kyoya in a hug. "I'm sorry, too!. Im sorry I was such a…drama queen." How he _hated _those words! Tears began to fall unwillingly down his cheeks. "And I forgive you, Kyoya! I just can't go on pretending like I don't! You're my best friend!"

Kyoya sat there for a stunned second before returning the hug. "And you are mine. That's why I want you to work hard and get better. All of us are routing for you!"

"All of you guys?"

"Yes, Senpai, all of us." Came a female voice. That voice belonged to Haruhi, who stood in the doorway with the rest of the Host Club and Yuzuru behind her. The group entered the room, their arms full of various gifts from all the guests at the host club; stuffed animals, get well cards, flowers and other little, yet expensive-looking presents. Tamaki was bewildered.

Mori handed him a box full of presents. "These few here are from us."

The prince was speechless. His father came over and hugged him.

"You see, son? You are loved! I hope someday soon you can see that too!"

"I'll see it sooner than you think, father!" There were happy tears in Tamaki's eyes as he returned the hug. To hell with what Akatsuki had said, this is what truly mattered to him! "I'm seeing it right now!"

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><p><strong>I thought I'd end this chapter on a sweet note :3 <strong>

**One more chapter, and then a bonus something! **

**Please review, lovies!**


	21. Chapter 21 You're the Piano Man

**Hi! This is sadly the last chapter, but I have a special note coming for you guys!**

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><p>TWO WEEKS LATER:<p>

"Bipolar disorder? What the hell is that?" Tamaki cried out. The doctor shushed him.

"Please calm down, Tamaki!" he said. "Bipolar disorder, by definition, is a 'brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.'"

Tamaki mulled over that for a moment. "How the hell... do I have this?"

"Well, after hearing your history of temper-tantrums, long after you outgrew them, your feelings of anxiety, your history of depression and self-harm, and observing your mood-changes here at the hospital, the diagnosis came pretty quickly.

"How has your depression been, anyhow? Has the Lexapro been helping?"

"I feel dizzy…."

"That's a side effect and it should pass. But has it been helping making you feel _emotionally _better?"

Tamaki nodded. The doctor nodded as well and wrote on his clipboard.

"Excellent! And don't think for a moment I haven't noticed a slight behavioral change as well since you started the medication!"

Tamaki looked up. "You have?"

Before he could answer, there was a knock at the door. "Come in!"

Yuzuru entered the room. Tamaki smiled as his father sat down next to him. "So, doctor. What's the verdict? You called me earlier and said you have my son's diagnosis?

The doctor nodded. "I sure do. Your son has what's called Bipolar NOS…Not Otherwise

Specified. Meaning, he has the symptoms of bipolar disorder, but not ones that fit into type one or two." He handed a pamphlet to the elder Suoh, who opened it immediately. "Your son will continue on the Lexapro, which should help. In the meantime, I think it's best we discharge him and begin outpatient treatment."

_Discharge?_

Tamaki's heart sang. He'd been waiting to hear that word for over two weeks now! After what that damn Akatsuki had said, he feared he'd never get out of there! Now he could walk out of there with his head held high, back to the people that loved him.

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><p>After some talks with a couple more doctors and packing up his things, Tamaki walked to the cafeteria to say goodbye to everyone.<p>

But there was only one person he wanted to say anything to.

Akatsuki was in the midst of playing Ping-Pong with one of his friends. Tamaki sauntered over, a smirk on his face.

"I'm being discharged now," Akatsuki turned to look at him in shock, the Ping-Pong ball hitting him in the temple.

"But…but that's not fair! I've been here for two months now!" He slammed down the paddle on the table and crossed his arms in a pout. "When the fuck am I getting out of this place? Stupid Borderline Personality! I'm such a worthless piece of shit"

Tamaki suddenly felt a change of heart and felt some sympathy for the guy. It was his fault he was an asshole; it was his disorder that made him that way.

"Hey look, Akatsuki. at least you've got some nice doctors who will take care of you and make sure you get better. But you ought to try to not be so mean to people at the same time."

The other boy sighed. "You know what, Suoh, you're ok." he stuck out his hand for a handshake, like he had two weeks ago. This time, Tamaki shook his hand.

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><p>A limousine pulled up the front door of the Suoh mansion. An excited Hunny, who was watching at the window, ran into the other room and jumped onto Mori, who was mid-conversation- or what you can call conversation from him- with Kyoya and Haruhi. "He's here! He's here! Tama-chan's home!"<p>

"Alright, places everyone Kyoya called, clapping his hands twice. The excited chatter in the room quickly quieted down. Someone switched off the lights and everyone found their pre-planned hiding places.

"Father, can I at least open my eyes so I can find my way up the stairs?" Tamaki asked. Yuzuru chuckled.

"Of course, but look down at your feet!" Tamaki obliged as they walked up the staircase together.

Yuzuru unlocked the door. "Close your eyes again, Tamaki." Once again, Tamaki did as he was told.

His father pushed the door open and lead him inside. The room was dark and he could barely make out the, "Welcome home, Tamaki!" hanging off the grand staircase. "Hmm…I wonder why it's so dark in here…" he reached for the light switch as Tamaki opened his eyes curiously. A peek wouldn't hurt if it was dark, he supposed.

"SURPRISE!" Everyone jumped out and Tamaki jumped into the air before falling flat on his rear end. Everyone held their breath, anticipating his reaction.

But the prince stumbled to his feet, laughing his head off. "Hello, everyone! Good to see you all!" All the girls in the room giggled and flocked over to him.

"Well I think we have a happy ending on our hands, everyone!" Kyoya sighed happily.

Tamaki managed to make his way through the girls and over to Hunny. He handed the small boy his stuffed rabbit. "I'm not completely better, Senpai. But he missed you!" Hunny smiled and took the rabbit from Tamaki. He then grabbed the prince by the hand and over to a large cake.

"I picked it out myself!" Hunny declared proudly. The cake was as big as a wedding cake and had "Welcome home, Tamaki" written on the sides in violet frosting.

"Well, what are you all standing there for?" Tamaki asked, turning to the crowd behind him. "Let's dig in!"

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><p>"Mommy, dear?" Tamaki asked. The shadow king turned around and half-smiled.<p>

"Yes…daddy?"

"I'm sorry for acting like such a brat this whole time!" The half-smile became a full one as Kyoya pushed up his glasses.

"It's alright, Tamaki. You're not fully well. It's understandable. But I'm sorry for not even considering that you weren't okay!"

There was a moment of silence before Tamaki jumped on Kyoya, much like when they had first became friends.

"KYOYA! Mon-ami! I forgive you!"

Haruhi came over to him. "Senpai, the girls are asking about the piano. They want to know if you play."

"Do you?" chorused the girls.

"He does, princesses!" Hikaru said.

"Boss, how about a song?" Kaoru asked.

Tamaki bit his lip in nerves. But in the end, he pushed the nerves to the side. Playing in front of people was never a big deal for him, after all.

He sat down and began to play. Only halfway through the song, had he realized it was his composition- the unfinished one that had gotten the better of him at a time that seemed so long ago now.

Once he reached the place he left off on, he let the last note fade away. Before he could explain it was unfinished, the crowd in the room roared with applause.

"Oh, Tamaki! That was beautiful!" swooned one girl.

"What song was that?" asked another.

"That was an original, actually." Tamaki replied. The applause got louder and Tamaki blushed. He took a bow, his heart pounding and his face glowing with pride

Haruhi walked over to him. "That was really amazing, Senpai,"

"Thanks Haruhi, that really means a lot coming from you. I don't think you know how much-"

"Trust me, Senpai," she interrupted with a smile. "I think I do."

THE END

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><p><strong>Well that's it! it's been great writing this story for you all! Please check out my special note coming in just a few minutes!<strong>


	22. Chapter 22 I Wanna Tell My Secrets

**Please make sure you read the chapter before! This is a note form me, the author :3**

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><p>Hello! If you're reading this, then you've just finished reading my Ouran story, <em>It Hurts<em>! I really hope it made you laugh cry, and overall enjoy it!

Now, some of you may be asking, why Tamaki? Why such horrible things? Why such angst?

Well let me start from the beginning….

My name is Abby Lilly…and this is the story behind _It Hurts_…my story.

I'm currently nineteen years old. When I was thirteen, I had been diagnosed with ADHD and given a drug that made me sick to my stomach dizzy and overall, depressed. This started my "emo" phase, a phase I'm sure a lot of you my age went through; the all black clothes, the hating life, and all that jazz.

I was fine for the next year, until the summer before freshman year. I was working at a day camp and my so-called friends went out to lunch break without me. I felt so low, so ignored and so hated. They had played with my emotions for the last time!

I was supposed to go to a party that night, but I texted my friend and told her I wouldn't make it. She finally got it out of me why I didn't want to go- I was feeling my first feelings of suicide.

I owe a lot to that friend- let's call her, Olivia. During that summer, as we worked together in the chorus of a local production of _Guys and Dolls_, Olivia would sit with me as I moped and felt alone in the world. She told me that what I did would set an example- some people might think, "If Abby couldn't make it, then why should it matter if I did?" That got me thinking and I soon felt a little better.

However, as I began high school that year, I began to have creeping thoughts of anxiety- who were really my friends? Were they hanging out with me? If so, why?

I would get upset at the slightest thing- an offhand comment, some friends hanging out without me, a bad test grade, anything would set me off it seemed.

I first cut myself the day before I turned sixteen. I sat behind a wall in the theatre during rehearsal one day, feeling agony over a fading friendship. I unconsciously began to scratch at the side of my wrist until it bled.

From then on, it was cutting no matter where I was or who I was with or what had happened. I didn't get the solo in chorus- a cut on my ankle. My friend made a mean joke- a cut on my thigh.

I did show the cuts to Olivia, along with some other friends. But most of them called me a drama queen. (In fact, the reason why Kyoya was so mean in this story was he was based on a friend of mine who used those two dreaded words the most at me. But don't worry- we have since reconciled.)

Things began to look up when I got myself a boyfriend- enter the character Haruhi was based off of. We'll call him Devon. Devon and I dated happily for five and a half months. While I saw marriage, he saw a very depressing future. He had seen the cuts, he had seen me cut. He had talked me down from suicide on many occasions, pushing for me to go to the hospital. I always refused.

When he broke off the relationship, I laid in bed for a whole week, listening to P!nk's album, _Funhouse, _and feeling sorry for myself. When that week was over, I reached onto my night table, grabbed the first thing I saw and cut myself on the wrist with it. So began my using other things to cut with.

I eventually would cut just for the sake of cutting- to feel the pain of punishment- to feel something. I used anything I could get my hands on- knives, scissors, even the broken shells of sunflower seeds!

My friends began to drift away- saying I was too depressed to be around, But they never said that to my face. I found myself a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Bipolar NOS and prescribed me Lexapro, and a second antidepressant, whose name I've blocked form my memory for reasons you'll see soon.

I couldn't get over Devon. Not for a year. The scene where Hikaru yells at Tamaki for trying to interfere with Haruhi's new relationship is based off of the day I finally ended up in the psych ward.

I came home from school that day, (this was when I was a month away from turning eighteen) and I saw on Instagram, Devon's new girlfriend had posted a picture of them. I commented, "That was cheesy, but we all need cheese in our diets." and two of my friends attacked me for saying that. I felt so mad at them and myself, that I texted my current girlfriend (I was out as a lesbian at this point; strange to think I still lusted for Devon) and said that I was going to kill myself. She called the police and they took me to the nearest hospital.

Fortunately, I never had seriously attempted suicide like Tamaki had, and I never ran into anyone like my OC, Akatsuki, and I only spent three days in the hospital, but it got me to do a lot of thinking. I didn't need Devon to survive; I was an independent lesbian who didn't need no man! (Please pardon the awful joke…)

I also discovered there that the second antidepressant I'd been taking was clashing with the first one, causing horrible symptoms of mania, which was what primarily caused me to want to kill myself. The doctors in the hospital gave me an antidepressant _helper, _which I still take to this day, along with the Lexapro.

I didn't get a big party when I came home, but I did get a lot of understanding from friends. They finally understood me. They finally were able to understand why I acted and felt like I did.

Now about some things in the story- a lot were based off of real life scenarios, but not all of them were 100% true.

-I never went to a bar, but I did begin to drink

-I never tried to seriously kill myself, but I did start taking an OTC drug to try to get "high"

-The double date scene never happened, but I had wished to go on a double date to try to win back Devon

-I don't play piano, I play guitar. I tried to teach myself piano and it didn't go so well.

-I didn't go for a hammer when I couldn't play a song, but I did end up slamming my fist on my computer, causing the hard drive to break.

Among other things. Now, let me answer the question of "why Tamaki?" When I first decided to write this story, I thought about the saying that, "Those who smile most on the outside are the saddest ones". Tamaki, in the anime and manga is a funny, happy and bright-eyed young man, but I think you already knew that!

Lastly, I want to end this whole thing on a note that recovery is possible! I am now nineteen, friends with Devon, I have the best girlfriend in the world, my anxiety is about ninety-five percent gone, I haven't cut in over a year and thoughts of suicide are no more!

If you suspect you might have bipolar or any other form of mental illness, talk to someone you trust- a teacher, a parent, an adult friend, or (especially) a psychologist or an MD who can recommend you to a psychologist.

If you cut yourself, look up on line or in the library (or you can even ask me) tricks to stop cutting and how to get on the road to recovery.

If you're suicidal, please call your local suicide hotline, or emergency line, or have a friend or family member take you to the ER.( I guarantee you'll be glad with the passage of time that you stopped yourself from doing it.)

Ill repeat, recovery is possible! Just ask me…and Tamaki! Thank you so much for reading _It Hurts, _and I hope you enjoy my future stories and have a wonderful day

Warm regards,

NellieTodd


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